throwing sand

On my brisk autumn walk this afternoon, I walked down the canal on Village Road. Or Village Drive. Village Something, anyway. But before I digress, allow me to progress. Three boys were playing in the canal, all probably eight years old. As I approached, one of them climbed out of the canal to join his friend on the bank. The third one stayed below.

"Hi," said the boy in the striped shirt as I passed by.

"Hi," said I. "Having fun?"

"Yeah."

"Good deal."

I continued on, not expecting further conversation. But then I heard a bright voice pipe up behind me. So, still walking, I half-turned to look.

It was the second boy, the little blond one. "I'm just throwing sand," he informed me, matching action to words.

I chuckled. "That sounds fun, too."

The little blond one looked at me one more time, then scattered another handful of glittering sand as he pronounced: "I lost all my strength just getting up here."

I don't remember what I said in response, but it doesn't matter. I fell in love with that kid right then and there. Because isn't that just how it is sometimes? We lose all our strength just getting up there, so all that is left to us is to throw sand with big smiles on our faces, thereby brightening the lives of strangers (mayhap friends yet unknown) who're passing by.

:o)

oh, and in case you were wondering

That hour of step aerobics I did on Monday?

Yeah, I have been in agony since yesterday around 9am. Jennifer and I went running at 7:30 yesterday morning, and I'd hoped that would be enough to work out the major sorenesses before they made their appearance.

Um. So, that didn't work at all.

Stairs were like an obstacle course yesterday.

Today, I spent most of my time shuffling around like an old woman because I couldn't straighten my legs. The BACKS OF MY KNEES hurt.

Why the backs of my knees? What normal person has muscle soreness in the backs of their KNEES, I ask you?

And no, DON'T answer that question, because I KNOW that the backs of my knees have been out of shape for most of my life, and intellectually I accept this, but I am trying to have a good rant here, so don't get in my way, dig?

*sigh*

Thank you.

I feel much better now.

Actually, painful and walk-inhibiting though it is, I have been enjoying the physical proof that I did some pretty intensive exercise.

I am already excited about next Monday's aerobics class. :o)

what i ate today, day 1

I was talking with Celia the other day about keeping a food journal. I don't know that I'll do this on a long-term basis, but I thought it might be interesting to journal my food intake for a week. I won't be changing my diet from what it usually is, so this is a look at my general eating lifestyle. I feel as though I'm generally well aware of what I'm eating, so I wonder if this week-long project will reveal any surprises.

What I Ate, Monday, February 2nd

1/2 cup oatmeal, 140 calories
2 tbsp. Smart Balance soy butter, 100 cal
1/4 of an apple, 10 cal
2 tbsp. Splenda
1 cup coffee, 4 cal
1/3 cup soy milk, 25 cal
2 tbsp. Splenda

1 1/2 cups fat-free cottage cheese, 200 cal
1/2 tomato, 15 cal
2 pieces of bread, unknown calorie content
1 Airborne, 5 cal

3 eggs, 240 cal (total)
2 tbsp. olive oil, 240 cal
2 slices Smart Balance cheese, 80 cal (total)
3 slices Hormel Natural Choice smoked turkey, 60 cal
1/4 cup soy milk, 17 cal
1 apple, 55 cal
1 clementine, 35 cal

Total calories: 986 calories + unknown number in bread = approx. 1200?

No big surprises today, I guess. But I wasn't around any temptations, either. Plus, I am a social eater: When I get around people, I tend to overeat. Also, when I'm not the one preparing my food, I can't know exactly what I'm eating.

Also, today I did an hour of step aerobics! Yay, my heart is happy. But, oh, I'm going to be sore tomorrow. :o)

Getting Things Done, and other importantnesses

So, in the interest of bragging, I'd like to direct your attention here, so that you might ooh-aah over How Much I Have Gotten Done since the recent posting of my to-do list.

Yes, I am tooting my own horn, and I am liking it, thank you very much.

*toot*

*toot*

*grin*

I am a geek.

On a more serious note, there is something on that to-do list that I would like to report is now going better. Two somethings, actually. The first is that I have gone running twice a week for the last three weeks. It hasn't been easy--actually, it has been mostly frustrating and demoralizing as I see how much stamina I lost by not running for two months. Six running sessions, and I still can't go as far or as fast as what I was doing when I quit in November.

That's the first time I've called it what it was: quitting. I quit for two months. I hadn't been able to admit that to myself until now.

I soooooooooooooo badly want to get back to what I was doing before I quit. I had been so encouraged by the progress I'd made; it's not easy for a former heart patient to build up the kind of stamina that comes naturally to most people. And by quitting, I sabotaged myself. I tend to do that with a lot of things--too many to go into right now. But I often wonder if I subconsciously believe that I don't deserve for good to come my way, and so I sabotage myself so as to avoid the good I believe I don't deserve?

Possibly. But that is another story and shall be told another time. ;o)

Anyway, the point is that I WANT to work hard and build back up my to pre-November stamina...and then I want to go further. I am competing against no one but myself, which might make my challenge more difficult.

On the other hand, I ***looooooooooooove*** challenge. Bring it on!

The second "to-do" is that I've been listening to God a lot more lately. Things finally came to a head several weekends ago, when I found myself in so much pain--mental and emotional--that I simply had to drop everything and go to God. I'm sorry I let myself go so far that hitting rock-bottom like that was necessary. But hit the bottom I did, and from there, I had nowhere to go but up.

I don't want to go into details, because really, they're not important. What matters is that for about seventeen hours, I couldn't see or talk to anyone (except Ed, since (a) he lives with me and (b) he got to experience the full force of my emotional-fallen-apart-ness). I talked to God a lot, but I couldn't bring myself to go out and see anyone else. It feels a little weird to say, but my need to spend time with God was so great, I couldn't bring myself to attend a Sunday morning worship service. I was so desperate for God, I wanted no other humans with me, not even other Christians. I don't know if that makes any sense at all, but that's how it was.

By Sunday evening, I had regained enough peace to worship with the house church and immerse myself gladly in that fellowship. Since then, I feel as though I've started being a little more aware of God's presence in my life. My relationship with God still isn't anywhere near where it should be--but I think there is healing going on, like a medicine deep inside, working where nobody but God can see. This isn't the first time in my life that I've experienced this healing; one would think I would have remembered that there's a reason he is called the Great Physician.

Hey, remember the song we used to sing when we were kids?

"He's still workin' on me
to make me what I ought to be...
How loving and patient he must be..."

Why do we ever stop singing that song? It's a lot more relevant for adults than it is for children.

joggers are happy people

This is the conclusion I have come to over the last month. Recently, I took up running. Sort of. I do a fast walk from our house to the park, which takes about 8 minutes. Then, I run around the pond and back home the long way around, which takes about 15 minutes. I haven't done this during the last twelve days, simply because our schedule was so full while the campaign was underway. But for about 3 weeks, I was in a really good rhythm of running at least 5 days a week. I plan to get back into it over the next few days (provided I don't get another sinus infection, which currently seems to be coming on) and start working my body up to running longer.

'Cause yeah, I know that 15 minutes of running doesn't sound like a lot. But for a former heart patient who has never EVER been a runner in any shape or form, 15 minutes is a major breakthrough.

Anyway, about the happy joggers. I have noticed, on my morning runs, that the 'other' athletic people (I put 'other' in quotation marks because, while these people are actually what one might call 'athletic,' I am not.) always make eye contact with me as we pass each other. And not only do they make eye contact, they actually smile.

Why is this significant? Well, it's significant because these are Germans. At least, I assume that they're Germans and that it's not only we foreigners who get out early in the morning and go do something exercisey. ;o) But one thing about German culture: In general in Germany, strangers who meet each other on the street rarely make eye contact with each other, and even more rarely do they smile. This is not a right or wrong thing, and it doesn't mean that they're unfriendly. It doesn't even mean that they're unhappy, which the flippant title of this post seems to imply. Eye contact and smiling simply aren't ways that Germans connect with strangers on the street. Which is why I was surprised to find it happening with my 'fellow' intrepid exercisers on my morning runs.

And there are several that I see on a regular basis. And we even say "guten Morgen" to each other. I cannot describe how this just makes my day.

I figure that maybe worldwide, people who exercise are just happy. It's probably adrenaline, endorphins, and sweat. Who'dathunk? I never knew that working out could feel so good. Outside and in. :o)