courtney in 2010

I Googled the above in order to find out what my life will be in the year 2010--at least, according to the Internet. Here are ten results that best translated into predictions (minus all Courtney Love references, kthx):

Courtney in 2010

1. Courtney at the Pittsburgh Combine.
Sha-boom.

2. Courtney in Congress.
Scary!

3. Courtney won't run for governor.
Of course not. I'll be in Congress. Duh.

4. Courtney is excited to start working with you!
Hopefully, you is a literary agent. ;o)

5. Courtney advances to the state competition, set in January.
Eh?

6. Courtney is going to do awesome things!
You betcha!

7. Courtney would like to pack up her car and drive your way and sing in your town.
I'm game. Absolutely. Let's book it!

8. Courtney's future will probably include more school and hopefully some traveling and writing as well.
Odds bodkins, you better believe it!

9. Courtney is touring Australia from January 8th to February 15th!
THIS IS GETTING BETTER AND BETTER.

10. Courtney is not gonna talk as much.
Oh. Bummer.

Wait.

That's cuz I'ma be writin', fool!


2010 is gonna be an exciting year. CRAMAZING!!! ;oD

future challenge to myself

What if...

What if we--as humans and as believers in a King ever so much greater than ourselves--what if we held as self-evident that (our) children have more to teach us about God than we could ever teach them?

What would happen if we approached children this way? And parenting? And life?

truth, beauty, and goodness

I'd love to post the whole from which I'm borrowing the following quote, but I'd like to avoid the specter of plagiarism. If you'd like to read the whole post (which is short and very worth the read), you can find it here.

"What if we were nice to each other? What if we put cynicism and snideness aside and saw beauty and possibility in everything?

"What if we all treated each other as we wanted to be treated? What if we loved our neighbors and acted toward them with affection and understanding?

"...What if we aspired to promoting the values of Truth, Beauty and Goodness? What if we saw Truth as Love, Beauty as Mercy, and Goodness as Ministry? What if we made those acts of Love, Mercy, and Ministry, the cornerstones of our lives?"

--Liz Cratty


As I've recently discussed with several of you, I see myriads of possibilities. All the time. In every situation, in every conversation, I see multiple possible outcomes--and, sometimes, outcomes of the outcomes. Sometimes, this can become paralyzing...because I see both good and bad possible outcomes, and it's hard to know which decision to make in order to maximize the possibility of a positive end result.

I'm probably not saying this clearly enough. For a writer, I have an awfully hard time expressing myself sometimes.

Anyway...please to be trying to get what I'm saying. ;o)

The point is this: I read that quote up there, and my imagination takes over, unfolding all the myriad possibilities of the what-ifs Cratty poses. And you know what? Every single one of those outcomes is positive. Every one of them is Good. And every one of them leads, in turn, only to further Goodness--maximized and exponentially multiplied.

There is no paralysis here. There is no fear. There is no looming darkness. There is only truth and beauty and goodness, world without end, amen. In the fulfillment of this set of what-ifs, there is relief, release--and maybe, if we give ourselves permission to hope--redemption.

I'm trying to hope.

I'm trying to let myself move, realizing that movement will not engage the attention of the monsters under the bed.

I am trying to see.

an 'i am' poem

message to a friend who was


i am penitent and hopeful

i wonder if i will ever be able to ask your forgiveness
i hear a voice whispering discouragement into my heart
i see myself speaking to you of my sin
i want to assure you that i desire nothing of you
i am penitent and hopeful.

i pretend no more
i feel myself growing beyond the confines of who i was
i touch the places in my past that hurt
i worry that you resent me
i weep not, though: for
i am penitent and hopeful.

i understand that i cannot fix this
i say these things to you because i must
i dreamt i was not prideful, but i have awakened to what’s real

i remember our laughter

i hope i will one day have the honor of asking your forgiveness

meanwhile
i am penitent

and hopeful.


The above text © 2007 by Courtney Weger Cantrell.

brief thoughts before starting a new chapter

Yes, I am awake, even though I have to get up in three hours and so should be sleeping right now. I had intended to put down just a few thoughts before this new adventure begins, but now that I sit down to write, I find that I can't. I'm too tired, I can't think, I'm anticipating tomorrow (with sadness and with excitement), and I can't be coherent right now.

But still, I wanted to write something, so I guess this is the something. My note to my future self is this: God has a plan for everything, his plan is always right, and his plan is always what works best.

Even if it hurts at the time. Sometimes, *especially* if it hurts.

In the book of my life are many finished chapters. Tomorrow, I am beginning a new one. Someday, it too will be finished. Right now, in spite of my sadness and -other-emotions-too-complex-to-describe-right-now, I am eager to put the period on the last sentence of the chapter I have just finished, and I am eager to begin the next chapter. But I do acknowledge and respect the fact that this next new chapter will end someday; it too is temporary, fleeting.

I find permanence only in God. He has put my name in a book that will never, ever end.

destroyed for lack of knowledge

When my parents left the European shores for the Americas, they also left behind a copy of the magazine Gospel Advocate (GA). So I picked it up and read it. Just for the record, this was the first GA I've ever really perused, and I have discovered that I do not agree 100% with what the magazine presented in this particular issue (see issue # below). Or perhaps it's better to say that I don't agree 100% with the methods and the attitudes reflected in some of the authors' writings.

That said, however, I found the following to be accurate, illuminating, and disturbing. The trends which Renfroe (see below) presents in his article are realities of which the church today needs to take note. If we don't, we're in for some rather nasty surprises in the very near future.

"...I can't help wondering, in the midst of the current [technological] craze, if any room is left for God. Do the movers and shakers of the technological revolution have any place for a 2,000-year-old book? Indeed, does anyone even read anymore? In our quest to gain academic prowess through tech savvy, have we failed to instruct regarding the most important knowledge our children will ever need to acquire--the knowledge they need to save their souls (John 8:32; 1. Timothy 2:4)?"

"Parents naturally want their children to succeed, obtain advanced degrees, and secure high-paying jobs believed to ensure not only financial security but also the ever-elusive happiness that evades so many...

"During Old Testament days, parents were to teach their children about God and His marvelous works at every available opportunity (Deuteronomy 6:7; 11:19). Today, some parents are asleep at the proverbial wheel. We clamor for our kids to be in the best schools and taught by highly qualifed professionals. We expect them to play sports--the big three, at least--and would not think of their missing practice. (They might get a scholarship, you know.) But are we failing them where they need us most?

"If we could muster the same enthusiasm toward our children's spiritual education that we do for their secular activities, it would be far less likelly we would see a generation that, in many quarters, is 'destroyed for lack of knowledge' (Hosea 4:6 ASV)..."

--Brandon Renfroe
"21st Century Kids Are Wired"
Gospel Advocate, June 2007, Vol CXLIX, No. 6


Some of my thoughts as I read this:

Why is it so important to us that our children Get A Good Education?

Do we really believe that it's more important for our children to become Christians than it is for them to Get A Good Education?

Are we teaching our children to spend at least as much time studying the holy words of God as they spend studying textbooks written by humans?

We hear kids say, "When I grow up, I wanna be a teacher/rock star/fireman/astronaut/vet/police officer/etc."
We encourage them in these dreams. And rightfully so.
But how much encouragement do we give them in developing a dream that when they grow up, they "wanna be a faithful servant of God"?

I've never heard a kid say, "When I grow up, I wanna be what God wants me to be."
Why is that?

Are we studying the Bible with our kids and worshiping God with them at home? Every day?
Or are we leaving that part up to the "Sunday school teachers"?

When did Sunday morning Bible Class replace parental responsibility?

Renfroe says that we make sure our kids never miss sports practice.
Are we making sure they are present every time the church assembles to worship God?

Are we ourselves present every time our Christian family is together for worship?

Or are we ourselves skipping worship because this or that activity "is only this one time," which just "happens to be" during worship time?

Are we ourselves skipping worship in favor of attending secular activities?

Are we teaching our children to "go to church" because that means they're being good?

Or are we teaching them to be the church because being the church is the only scriptural concept? (After all, where in the Bible do you find the concept of "going to" church?)

Where are our own priorities? Yours and mine?

Is God truly the center of our lives?
The apex?
The only constant reality?

Or are we lying to ourselves?
And are we raising our children on a diet of these holy-seeming lies?

Are we teaching our kids, by our example, that God's word, the Bible, is not binding?


What do you think?

the singing campaign

Last week, the Chemnitz church finished up our annual two-week campaign with the singing group from OC. As I mentioned in a blopgost from a few days ago, this is the campaign that originally led Ed and me and "a horn-shaped container filled with fruits and grain emblematic of abundance" (aka a cornucopia) of people to full-time and part-time work with the church in Saxony. When we were still living stateside, Ed was part of this campaign group for 8 summers in a row, starting in 1994; and I was part of the group 5 summers in a row, starting in 1997.

And, as I have also mentioned in previous posts, it's interesting to see how God's plans are often so very different from humans' plans. When Ed and I moved to Chemnitz, we thought our work with the singing campaign was done. Oh, we knew that we'd still be working with this group every summer, because Clyde and Gwen and their successors would continue to put the group together and come to Saxony every year. But Ed and I thought that from the time of our arrival in Chemnitz, our role would be solely a "native" one: helping coordinate and organize and encourage on the Chemnitz side of things; introducing the group to the church and to the city every year; offering our car (when we still had one) for transportation needs; bringing drinks and snacks to the gospel meetings at which the group would sing; things of that sort. We thought that as far as being part of the group was concerned, that chapter of our lives was closed.

But God had other ideas. Apparently, he still considers the Singing Campaign Chapter of our lives to be very much open, and he has been proving this to us over and over again during the past few years. I guess it started when in 2002, we innocently stood up with the group to sing with them a few times. Just for fun, you see. But that started a pattern of singing with them "just for fun" a few times every year. Shades of things to come!

Then, in 2005, for various reasons that would be too long to explain, the group wasn't able to come to Germany. Suddenly, the Saxon churches in Chemnitz and Oelsnitz were without a yearly summer campaign team. Chemnitz chose to focus solely on Let's Start Talking that year; but Oelsnitz wanted to go ahead with their gospel meeting, and they asked us for help.

And so, the "Chemnitz A Cappella Singers" were born. ;o) At that point, the group was an octet consisting of April and me (soprano); Amanda and Karen (alto); Alex and Steffen (tenor); and Ed and Larry (bass). Since then, we've added Jan on tenor, which makes our group a...what? A nontet?

Anyway, our Chemnitz group sang in Oelsnitz in 2005, and we've been singing together ever since. In 2006, Chad and Stefanie Anderson brought the singing campaign from OC, and they asked our group to sing with theirs. While they were in Oelsnitz, we sang with them as often as schedules permitted. While they were in Chemnitz, at least part of our Chemnitz group sang with them every day.

This year—as in, starting about two weeks ago—our Chemnitz group did the same thing as last year. So, in essence, we were part of the campaign team: not just in our “native” roles, but also as “full-fledged singers” in the OC group. And that’s why I say that the Singing Campaign Chapter of the Cantrells’ lives isn’t as over as we originally thought it would be.

Not that we regret this. It’s a lot of hard, challenging work and requires tremendous amounts of flexibility, but we consider it an honor as well as great fun to be able to sing with the OC group. :o)

Anyway…all of this leads into telling of some of the thoughts about the future that Ed and I have had recently. Recently, as in, during the course of the last year. In considering our move to Oklahoma, Ed and I have been very clear (I believe) in telling people that even though we are leaving Germany for now, this doesn’t mean we aren’t coming back! Either on a temporary or on a long-term basis. Yes, we are keeping our opitions open…and our hearts open to wherever God might lead us when. If he leads us to Africa or Brazil or Denmark, then that’s where we’ll go. Suffice it to say that we’ll go where he wants us to go, wherever that might be.

But as far as Chemnitz is concerned: We do plan on coming back, if it’s God’s will. At this point, he seems to be pointing us in the direction of……you guessed it……the OC singing campaign! It’s too soon to tell, of course, and I don’t want to count any unhatched barnyard fowl…but there’s a possibility that Ed might get a job in OKC which would allow us to have summers off. And if we had summers off, then we would be free to join the singing campaign and come back to Saxony with the group every summer.

NOTE: All of this is SPECULATION. We’re making no guarantees, and at this point we’re not going past the stage of merely hoping. We’ve talked with Chad and Stefanie about this, and they’re all for it. Ed and I are all for it, too, if it works out the way we hope it might.

My point in writing this isn’t to make some big announcement regarding our future plans. Although it probably seems like I’m standing on a corner, blaring out the news! ;o) No, my point in telling this long, epic tale is merely to show that once again, God is showing us so many more possibilities than we ourselves ever thought of originally. He always has something different and something more wonderful in mind than we do.

Yes, it’s an uncertain life we live, in the sense that we never know what’s around the next corner. BUT! it’s a *wonderfully* uncertain life, a grand adventure with the Lord as our guide, our protector, and our encourager. We have faith in him and trust that no matter where this grand adventure might lead us, it is all within the confines of his perfect plan, and his loving hand is sheltering us every step of the way.

My hat is off to you if you've read all of this. I don't believe in cutting my thoughts down to bite-size simply to satisfy a world with an ever-decreasing attention span. ;o)

my parents are leaving europe

So, the Big Move is finally taking place. Last week, the military sent movers to my parents' house in Mörfelden. They arrived on Monday, packed for two days, and took the containers away on Wednesday. Mama and Daddy stayed in the house a few more days; then, the owner told them that he would like them to leave *now* in exchange for not having to clean and paint the entire house over the course of the next week. So, though this initially caused them quite a bit of extra stress, they went earlier than planned to the home of a friend in the Wiesbaden church. They will stay there until this coming Monday, when they plan to travel to Chemnitz and live with us for the next month, minus a 10-day trip to Greece.

I have to say, I don't think the magnitude of it all has hit me yet. Since I didn't see the move take place, my brain is still telling me that the Mörfelden house is still as full of their possessions as it has been for the last ten years. I feel like I usually do at this time of year: My parents will go to Oklahoma for the summer and then come back to Germany to start the new school year / opera season. I feel this, even as I know it's not true. Possibly, my feelings won't catch up to my knowledge until fall rolls around and my parents are *still* in Oklahoma, without return tickets.

Hence, I haven't really started to be sad yet about their move. A little, but the rest of the mourners are still waiting in the wings, I suspect.

Mama and Daddy have lived in Germany for 27 1/2 years. Originally, they only intended to stay for five! Recently, as I hadn't heard this story yet, I asked Mama how they made the decision to stay past the 5-year mark. She told told me the following, to me highly amusing, anecdote:

When we had lived in Germany about 3 years (so this was sometime in 1983), the three of us were at the Woog, a small lake in Darmstadt. Mama and Daddy were watching me play, when Daddy suddenly turned to Mama and asked, "If we were to leave Germany now, what would you miss the most?"

Mama thought for a minute and then answered, "The Autobahn."

Daddy nodded and said, "I'd miss that, too."

And until retirement came around, that's the last time they ever talked about moving. ;oD

On a more serious note, I'm concerned about how they'll adjust once they're back in Oklahoma past the "vacation-period" time span. Twenty-seven years is a long time. Germany is their home. They are not "coming home" to Oklahoma; they are moving to a foreign country. (The same applies to Ed and me regarding our move in November, but that's another post and shall be blogged another time.) Mama used the right word when she described leaving Germany and leaving their jobs as "bittersweet." I imagine that their arrival in and adjustment to Oklahoma will be much the same.

difficult announcement

 
Well, we've told the church in Chemnitz, and we included the news in our update letter yesterday, so I guess I might as well share it here, too. Although, I think most people who read this blog are either in the Chemnitz church or recipients of the update letter! Oh well, please forgive me for repeating myself. 

Anyway, the item of news is this: Ed and I have decided that if God makes it possible, we're going to move back to Oklahoma in October 2007. There are several reasons, of course--there always are for such things--but one of the main ones is his dad's health. If God wills it, Ed would just really like to be able to spend time with his dad before that isn't possible anymore. It's strange to think that we're old enough now that we've begun to think of our parents' mortality as a reality. But it's a fact, and one that we can deny only to our own detriment. So we choose to face it for what it is and react accordingly. Burying our heads in the sand and pretending......that just isn't an option. 

Making this decision was so difficult. Honestly, it just tears my heart out. I feel terribly wounded, even though I know that this is the right decision at this time. Telling our Chemnitz family that we're leaving.....it's one of the hardest things Ed and I have ever had to do. We both hated to do it. Because the Chemnitz church and our friends here....these relationships go beyond friendship. These people are our family. This is home. And I don't want to leave. 

I'm going to stop writing now, because if I don't, I'm going to start crying, and that won't help the sinus infection. 

Here's what helps me, though, and it's something we tell everyone when we announce that we're moving: Just because we're leaving Chemnitz now doesn't mean we won't be back! Life with God is a neverending adventure, and we'll always go where he leads us. Who knows where that might be in the future!