christianity and homosexuality

I just read this article, which discusses (yet again) the difficulties that denominations are having in deciding what they should teach about homosexuality. Here's an excerpt from the article:
___________________________
Every Sunday there's an intense struggle in the souls of some believers as one religious denomination after another battles over the rights and roles of homosexuals.

Gay or not, progressive or traditional, those who disagree with their denomination's stance wonder:

Should they leave their church?

Has their church left them?

Is this any place to find God at all?

The questions are as fresh as the headlines, as old as Christianity itself. Early fathers of the church ruled on which teachings were heresy and which were "true."

"Denominations have fractured since Day One. The very word 'denominated' means divided," says Boston University sociologist Nancy Ammerman.

This week the national governing bodies of two mainline Protestant denominations, the Episcopal Church USA and the Presbyterian Church (USA), each meet to debate their views on gay clergy and same-sex unions, and whether the denominational rulings or local churches should have the final say.

But while leaders argue, ordinary people soldier on.

Many, gay or straight, seek a community of souls that welcomes them and shares their sense of the Scriptures and the sacred.
_________________________

Guess what? I'm not going to express an opinion about this. Shocking, isn't it! ;o) I am, however, going to quote a few scriptures that come to mind regarding this issue.

Draw your own conclusions.

"You have heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.
For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same?
You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.
--Jesus, Matthew 5:43-48

"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another."
--Jesus, John 13:34-35

"I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you had known me, you would have known my Father also. From now on you do know him and have seen him....Whoever has seen me has seen the Father...."
--Jesus, John 14:6-7, 9

"If you love me, you will keep my commandments....Whoever has my commandments and keeps them, he it is who loves me. And he who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and manifest myself to him....If anyone loves me, he will keep my word, and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. "
--Jesus, John 14:15, 21, 23

The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.
--2. Peter 3:9

So they are without excuse. For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened. Claiming to be wise, they became fools, and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and reptiles
Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves, because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen.
For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error. And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done.
--Romans 1:20-28

"...But as for the cowardly, the faithless, the detestable, as for murderers, the sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars, their portion will be in the lake that burns with fire and sulfur, which is the second death."
--God, Revelation 21:8

Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.
Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.
Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.
Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.
--Philippians 2:3-13

updated the wish list (see link at right)

And now I'm going to bed.

Ahhh.....nothin' like a hard day's work.

;o)

done!

Just FYI, as far as I can determine, I've discovered all previously unanswered comments and now answered them. Not to worry, friends--I haven't been ignoring you. It's just that life has been happening an awful lot lately.

improving my vocabulary

A few days ago, I watched the movie "Billy Elliott" for the first time. What a terrific story! Quintessential coming-of-age kind of thing, about a boy who wants to become a ballet dancer against his father's wishes. Sweet, heartwarming, funny, inspiring.

I hesitate to recommend it, though, because the language was awful. However, the film is set in England in 1984, and all of the characters have extremely strong accents. So an American watching the movie without subtitles wouldn't be able to understand it well enough to hear the bad words, anyway. ;o)

The real reason I'm posting about this is: In the movie, Billy Elliott tells his ballet teacher not to lose her temper. His phrase is, "Don't lose your blob." Now, lest you think I'm posting bad language without knowing it, I looked up the phrase and found out that they made it up for the movie, improvising it on the spot during that particular scene. So to those of you with your minds in the gutter, it's nothing vulgar!

Anyway, I'm announcing that in an effort to expand my vocabulary, I'm going to start using this phrase. So, if you think I'm being silly or pretentious or needlessly eccentric.....don't lose your blob over it, okay?

God is good

"It's these moments, I think, that reveal the true man; the instinctive reaction before manufactured and trained good behavior can take over. You have a glimpse of what lies underneath the conventional responses, and in my case I saw a monumental selfishness."

--Iain Pears
in "The Portrait"

I have to admit to seeing such a monumental selfishness in myself...and frequently. But I try to keep before my eyes the hope I have in my Lord Jesus Christ: I have the opportunity, as a child of God, for a lifetime of growth and maturation through the influence of his Holy Spirit inside me; I am allowed to choose an increasing vulnerability to the love and the will of God, a choice which always leads to transformation and salvation, over and over again.

Praise the LORD!

the hugest update this year....for me, anyway

Hi Friends and Neighbors and Assorted Lurkers,

So, here’s the major-mondo update I’ve been promising for months and months. I’m going to keep it “short”—not because I don’t want you to know details, and not because I don’t think you’re interested (because I know you’re waiting with bated breath to hear about everything going on in *my* life)—but for my own sanity. Why? Because if I don’t keep this update relatively “short,” I’ll never write it. And if I never write it, I think I’ll inner-pressure myself out of blogging anymore. And if I inner-pressure myself out of blogging, I might go a little nuts.

If that makes sense to no one but me, then the going-nuts part has probably already happened.

So, with neither further ado nor further adon’t, here’s the nuts-and-bolts version of what’s been going on the last few months:

1. My sermon at the German Ladies' Retreat in February.
Aye, it went well. I wasn’t as nervous about this one as I was about the one last September. God infused me with more calm than I’ve ever had while speaking in front of people…and this time, I actually had fun with it. Slowly, I’m starting to believe those gifts-assessment tests that claim I would be good at teaching in a public role. Hmmm…..

2. My "epiphanies" resulting from the English-Speaking Ladies' Retreat in March.
In the shell of a nut, these epiphanies were specific to my relationship with Ed, and they’re not something I would want to tell the world about. Not in this forum, anyway. Suffice it to say, I realized this: The way I’ve treated Ed in the past has given him the feeling that I don’t trust him. Many things I’ve said and done have hindered him from leading our family the way he should. I talked with him about these realizations and asked his forgiveness.
And since I’ve started concentrating on trusting him, he has started making some good changes, and I don’t feel this inner pressure on myself to be in control of everything.
Huh. It’s pretty neat how God knows what he’s talking about in regard to men and women.

3. The counseling class I took.
This was another advanced course with Jim and Elsa Springer from the church in Bremen. The class covered the basics in counseling, and it was a great challenge. The most important things I learned were things about myself:
--I’m not yet emotionally mature enough or educated enough to be a counselor. Even though I often need to take a counseling role in my work, I put too much pressure on myself to be “better” at it than I’m capable of being at this point.
--I can’t communicate my boundaries to others until I have established them firmly in my own mind.
--I now feel better equipped to let others deal with their own problems instead of becoming emotionally overwhelmed myself because I feel like I have to take responsibility for what other people are doing. I’ve learned and now understand that what others do is not my fault, and it’s certainly not my responsibility. I’m not going to drag others’ emotional baggage around with me anymore.

4. My brief trip to Oklahoma.
As some of you already know, I was in Oklahoma for a week at the end of April. My Grandma Boxley, who is 91, is in very bad health. My mom called me and asked me to fly over there and spend time with Grandma for a week, and of course I agreed. It was a rough, rough trip—physically and emotionally. I’m glad it was possible for me to go….I’m glad I got to say goodbye.
Since I’ve been back, I think I’ve been avoiding thinking about Grandma a lot…which is terrible of me. But this is not an easy pain to deal with.

5. Current events:
--Let’s Start Talking team arrived from Cascade two weeks ago. Nichol, Spencer, and Tasha hit the ground running by hosting the LST Info Meeting the very day they arrived. Since then, they’ve been reading with people, visiting schools, and being an encouragement to the church here.
--The Harding Choir arrives for a concert this weekend. Fifty students; 3 or 4 will be staying with Ed and me. We’re renting a big room downtown for this Sunday’s worship service, and we’re inviting the Lutherans from down the street to join us if they wish. (The Lutherans will be keeping half the Harding students for two nights; the church will be keeping the other half.)
--FriendsCamp will be the weekend of June 9th.
--The “Singing Campaign” from OC will arrive mid-June.
--I still need to go to the “Ausländerbehörde” (“Foreigners’ Department”) to find out about the paperwork I submitted for my visa extension. I think that technically, I’m in the country illegally.
--I should’ve gone to the doctor a week ago to find out some blood test results (thyroid again), but I haven’t gotten a round 2 it.
--We need to take Pippin to the vet soon to have her “fixed.” Poor thing.
--I've been reading a lot of good books lately, including:

• "The Importance of Being Foolish," by Brennan Manning
• "QBQ! The Question Behind the Question," by John G. Miller
• "The Portrait," by Iain Pears
• "Life Expectancy," by Dean Koontz
• "Walking Through the Wardrobe," by Sarah Arthur

I've been toying with the idea of blogging some book reviews. But how would I make the time?

I’ve been feeling tired a lot.
And I guess that’s it. You want any more details, yer gonna hafta ask. ;o)

Chessboard Parleys, Episode II

mgam: I suppose you can say whatever you like. you're a big girl. hey who you calling unique?!
angeltwist: i'll even shout it from the rooftops if i want, so there. ;oP and i'm calling you unique! you've never given me the impression that it's your lifelong goal to be like everyone else.....
mgam: Hey I'm not oppossed to that nor to the ide of being unique...
angeltwist: better than the ide of march, i suppose.
mgam: if you've seen one ide you've seen em all...
angeltwist: it would take me a few minutes to figure out how many ides of seen.....but i'm sure i haven't seen all of them. i'm not as old as you, y'know.
mgam: thanks for rubbing it in. the ide of texas are upon you...
angeltwist: well, ide éclair!
mgam: that was the greatest pun i've ever heard. you win.

great news for virginal men

I just read the following article in the Yahoo! news section:

It's hard out there for a virgin...
Fri May 5, 8:49 AM ET

A brothel has become the first in Berlin to offer special deals for virgins with prostitutes trained in the delicate art of catering for customers who have never had sex, a German newspaper reported Friday.

The brothel in the red light area of the Kreuzberg district of the city charges 60 euros for a half an hour of sex and works within the laws of Germany where prostitution is legal.

"These are men who either never had sex before or have never been in a brothel before," the brothel's operator was quoted as saying in Berlin's B.Z. tabloid.

"It's the first house of love in Berlin that specializes in taking care of beginners," wrote the daily on its front page.

Prostitutes are given "sensitivity training" for first-time clients, who the brothel operator said are not necessarily young but often 40 or older: "They need to be aware of how much courage it takes to go to a brothel the first time."
__________________

Let me repeat that final quote: "They need to be aware of how much courage it takes to go to a brothel the first time."

Excuse me? Courage? I can think of a few words that would make for a better description. Perversion, for one. Immorality, for another. Or how about total lack of respect for self. Total lack of respect for women.

Actually, come to think of it, even cowardice would be a better word than courage. Yes, cowardice, because paying someone to have sex displays an unwillingness to deal with reality. Maybe the reality of an unhealthy marriage. Maybe the reality of one's own deep psychological problems. For virgins, maybe the reality of not being able to develop healthy, committed relationships.

This article shocks me. Not because prostitution is legal in Germany. I already knew that. And not even because this brothel is catering specifically to virgin men.

(Guys, would you really want to have to tell your future wife that your first sexual experience was with a woman you had to pay? A woman you didn't even love? A woman you didn't even know?)

No, what shocks me is the attitude in this article. The mindset. The view that prostitution is perfectly normal. Perfectly acceptable. Perfectly okay. And, underlying all of that, the view that if you think this is wrong, there must be something wrong with you.

The article emphasized the "sensitivity" of the trained prostitutes. Well, I think the whole thing is fundamentally sick and wrong. I guess that makes me insensitive.

So be it.

People, I refuse to sugar-coat this. On this subject, I will gladly stand up under accusations of being politically incorrect, intolerant, and judgmental.

Prostitution is a sin. Under any circumstances.
Visiting a prostitute is a sin. Under any circumstances.
Sex outside of marriage is a sin. Under any circumstances.

This is the kind of thing that caused the fall of Sodom, Gomorrah, and the Roman Empire. (Greatest nation of the world, brought down by immorality. Does that ring a bell?)

This is why the world needs us Christians to be light. This is why the world needs us Christians to be salt. (Matthew 5)

Without light, people stumble around in darkness and fall.

Without salt as a preservative, things rot.

i hate manipulative "christian" forwards

I've said it before (though maybe not here, I don't remember), and I'll say it again:

I HATE EMAILS THAT STATE OR IMPLY THAT I'M NOT A "GOOD CHRISTIAN" IF I DON'T FORWARD A MESSAGE ABOUT GOD TO EVERYONE IN MY ADDRESS BOOK.

I really believe that most Christians aren't thinking when they send fellow Christians emails that contain statements such as:

"Isn't it funny how you can send a thousand jokes through e-mail and they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing?"

or

"Isn't it funny how when you go to forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it to them."

or

"Isn't it funny how I can be more worried about what other people think of me than what God thinks of me?"

or

"Jesus said, 'If you are ashamed of me, I will be ashamed of you before my Father.' Not ashamed? Pass this on ONLY IF YOU MEAN IT!!"


No, it's not funny. And I don't appreciate the sarcasm.

No, I don't send messages about God to friends or family who are decided unbelievers. Why? Because it insults them and puts a roadblock in the path of my relationship with them. This means that they become even less open to the Lord than before, because they come to see me, their only Christian example, as inflexible, insensitive, and dogmatic.

No, I am not worried about what other people think of me. But I am concerned with what they think of Jesus. And I represent him to them, so what do they think of him if I show them arrogance instead of loving understanding?

No, I'm not ashamed of Jesus. But I don't have to forward an email to prove it.

Friends, I find such messages insulting. They are not messages of God's power or the love of Jesus Christ. These messages are arrogant and counter-productive to the spread of God's Word. They play on the emotions and inspire guilt, not the fire of evangelism.

Here's another quote:

"This is the simplest test.
"If You Love God... And, are not ashamed of all the marvelous things HE has done for you...
"Send this to ten people and the person who sent it to you!
"I don't think I know 10 people who would admit they love Jesus. Do You love Him?"

Excuse me?
I think you just said that if I don't forward your email, it means that I don't love Jesus.
Excuse me, fellow Christian? Surely I didn't hear you right.

Besides, I do know more than ten people who would--and do!--admit to loving Jesus. Plenty more than ten.

These emails are blatant emotional manipulation.

If we have a fire--a conviction, not a guilt-ridden burden!--to share the message of Jesus Christ, we need to get out there and LIVE it. Just clicking "forward" isn't going to cut it, especially if the forward tells people that they're ashamed and obviously don't have time for God if they click "delete" instead.

Think about whom you're sending such a message to before you send it. Please, think before you click!

More about forwards.

the "gospel" of judas--an excerpt from courtney's journal, with a few additions

So, I'm sure most of you, my Faithful Readers (ha!), have heard about this "new" and so-called "gospel" of Judas. A few thoughts:

I think this archaeological find is intellectually interesting, but insignificant beyond that.

Okay, maybe not insignificant…..Perhaps I could call it significant in that this “gospel” of Judas (obviously not a “gospel” at all, since the definition of gospel is “good news,” specifially about Christ) proves once again that we Christians must be wise and discerning about what we accept as truth. From what I understand, the world is getting in a big tizzy over this "new" text (which has actually been around since the 1970s!), and many Christians are in a defensive, worried uproar over its content, some of which contradicts the New Testament.

According to what I've read, this Judas text was written in the 2nd or 3rd century and is full of "new information" and "secrets" that were revealed to Judas. Some scholars, with whom I agree based on my own studies, say that the Judas text has very strong Gnostic overtones.

Gnosticism was a mystery cult rife with visions and spiritual elitism, a religion that rejected the physical body as evil and said that the truly spiritual person was one who received secret, ‘higher-level’ knowledge from the spiritual realm. Gnostics also rejected the idea that Jesus was the physical incarnation of God. These particular beliefs obviously contradict the teachings of the New Testament…as does the idea that Judas received special, secret information from Jesus that the other disciples weren’t given.

(As a side note: Bishop Ignatius of Antioch was one church leader who reacted so violently against mystic Gnosticism that he wrote letters to numerous churches, telling them to "cling to the bishop." He said, "Whoever does anything without the bishop's knowledge is from the devil." Ignatius and his reactionary ideas helped pave the way for the bishop- and pope-centered universal church, also known as the Catholic Church. If you don't believe me, research it.)

Furthermore, it seems that the Judas text tells of how Jesus allegedly imparted to Judas a story of creation that contradicts the story told in Genesis: Allegedly, Jesus told Judas that God didn't create the world. Merely that idea should be enough to prove that this Judas text isn’t inspired and is, therefore, only as spiritually convicting to us Christians as we allow it to be.

My bottom-line take on the whole thing? It sounds like a text penned by Gnostics in an effort to lend creedence to their heathen movement. To a serious Christian, this “new” text should be no more spiritually intimidating than the so-called Gospels of Thomas or Mary (included in the Apocrypha).

Academically interesting, but it doesn’t shake my faith in the inspired writings of the New and Old Testament.

Put all things to the test: keep what is good...
--1. Thessalonians 5: 21

P.S.In the comments section of this post, Val provided me with a link to a very good article on the subject of Judas, Christianity, and "The DaVinci Code," among other things.

P.P.S.
"I intend to get to the bottom of this web of deceit and confusion if it takes me the rest of my life, which may end at any minute!"
--Judge Maxwell
in "What's Up, Doc?"

an observation on a short break from my studies

Simply, it boils down to this:

Most of us humans just aren't willing to give up what's necessary in order to get what we want.

why does it take scientific studies to make people recognize principles that God gave us thousands of years ago???

I just read the following in a Yahoo! news article and just had to roll my eyes:

A new study finds that teens who take part in many different kinds of physical activity -- particularly with their parents -- are less likely to get involved in drinking, drugs, violence, smoking, sex, and delinquency than teens who spend a lot of time in front of the television.

"Anything we can do to get kids to be physically active will help them in terms of their physical health, but this research suggests that engaging in a variety of activities may also have social, emotional, and cognitive benefits, including reduced likelihood of engaging in risky behaviors, such as drinking, drugs, violence, smoking, sex, and delinquency," [Dr. Penny] Gordon-Larsen said.

DUH.

fun with foreign cultures

So yesterday, I got to know something fun about Bulgarian culture. Vassil, one of Larry's readers, is Bulgarian, and he hung this little token from one of the bushes in the Sullivans' garden. He told Larry that in Bulgaria, they have this tradition: When you see the first sign of spring, you hang a little token on the bush, tree, flower, or whatever other flora is displaying its first spring flair. So I guess he saw the buds on the forsythia bush and hung this little token on it:

When I first caught sight of it from afar, I thought it was a fishing lure. ;o) But what a neat tradition! Yay for cultural differences! And yay for springtime!

crazy english

The following bits of great literature came into being on the Oklahoma Christian University "Singing Campaign" of June 2001. Several of us were playing a language game in which each player contributes a part of a sentence without knowing what the other players are contributing. As in:

Player A contributes a subject ("The handcuffs"),
Player B contributes a verb ("gargled"),
Player C contributes an object ("pimentos"),
and Player D contributes an adverb ("symbiotically").

Players may add other adverbs, adverbial phrases, adjectives, and so forth, as long as the structure of the sentence remains intact. Here are some sentences that came together in strange ways on that starlit night so long ago:

A blunt elephant awakens delicately.

4,000,362 slimy heifers bebop coke repeatedly.

The juicy squirrels rang manure radically.

Some magical Martians snorted river cautiously.

Your mama’s shrunken sludge dances vomit lovingly.

The Saran-wrapped amoeba strangled fever blisters.

Its unwilling dough wore pimples authoritatively.

Mike’s infected Thumbelina impaled puppies slowly.

My swollen blue suede shoes defecated coconuts.

April’s peanut butter jar beheld toxic waste creepingly.

With blackest moss, the other Deutschmark stabbed Romanoffs with ease.

Thy radical snot gulped hamsters alluringly.

Rupert’s clairvoyant slug plucked tongues boldly.

Satan’s slutty cheese cake slurped turtles on the highest rooftops.

Surprisingly enough, our milky busts curtsied pustules right on task.

Tomorrow, flamboyant lace will flatulate kabobs happily.

Russia’s flat hairballs created toilet tingling.

The parole violators’ amazed horny toad blew rafters with great linguistic skill.

On the poop deck, our objective booty crushed dried linguini like a goose in heat.

Eight crunchy handkerchiefs serenade egg drop soup like redneck Olympics.

With the absolute possibility, spoonlike cowboys cut snot rockets while smelling like a stinky tube sock.

Unbeknownst to us, many underground headless horsemen slammed bellybutton lint so well, it would’ve made you cry.

Like sands in the hour glass, strikingly handsome mold slaughtered jazz hands while dancing like a 5-year-old on purple crack.

by April Wooldridge, Courtney Cantrell, Matt Barger, Mike Antwine, and others, June 2001.

random

Having sinus trouble again. I'm not sick, but my sinuses feel overly dry and somewhat clogged. And for the last couple of weeks, I get spots of blood every time I blow my nose. Gah. Frustrating.

Adding this to the fact that lately, I feel exhausted no matter how much I sleep, I'm starting to wonder if I haven't slipped over the border of "borderline anemic" into the Realm of Full-Fledged Iron Deficiency.
:o/

updating, reminders, and some great pictures

I've once again gone through my blog and responded to all comments. Just FYI.

Also, I need to write myself a list of things I need to write about. ;o) So that when I do actually have time and mood to write a few specifics, I'll know that I want to write about:

· my sermon at the German Ladies' Retreat in February
· my "epiphanies" resulting from the English-Speaking Ladies' Retreat in March
· Data's "Ode to Spot"
· the counseling class I'm taking

In the meantime, here's a family pic from this past Monday:


We took one with Pippin, too, but it didn't turn out as well.

Also, in the interest of promoting the fine arts, I bring you these shots of my father in costume for two operas he's currently in:

I bet I'm the only kid at the playground whose Daddy is both a mutant...

And a warrior from the Star Wars universe!

"Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?"

;oD

my johari window

Okay, so I'm gonna try posting my "Johari Window" results. A Johari Window is one of those fun pseudo-psychological quiz-type things that's supposed to tell you what other people think about you. I think it's fun and interesting, and it was neat to find out who among my friends and family chose which adjectives to describe me. Click on the "full data" link down there if you wanna see who picked what.

And I'd like to say that the "arena" and "blind spot" aren't totally accurate; I *do* know a lot of those things about myself; I just wasn't allowed to choose enough adjectives! So there. ;o)

Arena (known to self and others) confident, reflective	Blind Spot (known only to others) able, accepting, adaptable, caring, cheerful, clever, complex, dependable, energetic, friendly, giving, happy, independent, intelligent, kind, knowledgeable, loving, mature, modest, observant, relaxed, religious, self-conscious, sentimental, silly, trustworthy, wise, witty
Façade (known only to self) idealistic, introverted, proud, sympathetic	Unknown (known to nobody) bold, brave, calm, dignified, extroverted, helpful, ingenious, logical, nervous, organised, patient, powerful, quiet, responsive, searching, self-assertive, sensible, shy, spontaneous, tense, warm

Dominant Traits

55% of people think that Courtney Anne Cantrell is intelligent
66% of people think that Courtney Anne Cantrell is loving

All Percentages

able (11%) accepting (11%) adaptable (16%) bold (0%) brave (0%) calm (0%) caring (50%) cheerful (27%) clever (5%) complex (11%) confident (5%) dependable (11%) dignified (0%) energetic (5%) extroverted (0%) friendly (27%) giving (27%) happy (11%) helpful (0%) idealistic (0%) independent (5%) ingenious (0%) intelligent (55%) introverted (0%) kind (5%) knowledgeable (11%) logical (0%) loving (66%) mature (11%) modest (5%) nervous (0%) observant (5%) organised (0%) patient (0%) powerful (0%) proud (0%) quiet (0%) reflective (44%) relaxed (5%) religious (33%) responsive (0%) searching (0%) self-assertive (0%) self-conscious (5%) sensible (0%) sentimental (5%) shy (0%) silly (22%) spontaneous (0%) sympathetic (0%) tense (0%) trustworthy (38%) warm (0%) wise (11%) witty (16%)

Created by the Interactive Johari Window on 27.3.2006, using data from 18 respondents.
You can make your own Johari Window, or view Courtney Anne Cantrell's full data.

creek and feet

We got home from Gemeinsames Essen ( = "communal eating," i.e. potluck) just over an hour ago, and it looks like the neighborhood will be keeping an eye on the creek for the rest of the day. What with the rain on top of the snowmelt, the water level is getting a bit high. The neighbors' basement flooded right next door to us, and Karen is already taking a few anti-flood precautions. Here are a few pictures I took when we got home:

From our third-floor stairwell, the view of our backyard, the creek, and Karen's apartment

The creek at groundlevel. Usually, the water level is about two feet lower.

We'll start having problems if the water rises over the bridge. Hopefully, that won't happen!

In the meantime, here are a few completely flood-unrelated pics. Jennifer and Kendra bought me this neat foot-sock-warmer-thingy at Christmas, and it makes me laugh every time I look at it. I feel like one of those podfoot people in one of C.S. Lewis's Narnia books ("The Voyage of the Dawn Treader," I think).

With legwarmers! Don't forget the legwarmers!

Kids, don't try this at home.

the essentiality of proper sequence

I think it's funny that if you switch around the letters of the word "blech," you get the word "belch."

In English, "blech" means "yuck." In German, "Blech" means "steel plate."

And "belch" in German is "rülpsen."

"Blech!" he belched at the Blech.
"Igitt!" rülpste er das Blech an.

Now doesn't that just make your day go better?

to smile or not to smile?

Earlier, I was reading an email in which the writer was praising a certain Christian who died. To make a long story short, the writer described how this particular Christian always showed a positive attitude, always responded to requests with "I'd be happy to do that!", and never complained about anything. It was a glowing report on a Christian life led in service to God and in service to others.

Before I go on, let me say that I find such Christians to be admirable examples. They don't seem to let adversity touch them; no matter how hard or how bad it gets, they meet every challenge with a smile and with the meekness manifested in quiet strength. These are people I look up to; these are people whose attitudes encourage me to try to be more like Christ. In what I'm about to say, I'm not attempting to criticize such Christians in the least.

But these glowing, post-death reviews--and I speak of them in plural, because we've all read them in plenty of email forwards and obituaries--these reviews never focus on Christians who struggled visibly to retain a godly attitude. And that raises all sorts of questions in my mind.

What about the Christians who don't smile all the time? What about the brother who answers us with an honest "Like dirt!" when we ask him how he feels? What about the sister who admits openly that she can't take the pressure anymore?

What about these Christians who show their anger, their frustration, their confusion, their depression, their sorrow, their rebelliousness...What of these Christians who show us all the time that their backs are breaking...but they keep going anyway?

Oh no, I'm not trying to say that these Christians are people who give up. No, they definitely keep plodding away, and sometimes they grumble about it...But they keep going. Somebody makes a request of them, and maybe they don't have a Christlike attitude, maybe they gripe about it...but they do it. They see the snow piling up outside, and maybe they complain that they're ready for summer...but they still make it to every worship service. They've had a rough week, and maybe the last thing they want to do is be around people...but they still say thank you when someone encourages them.

Nobody ever talks about the Christians who keep going even though it's very obviously hard on them. We talk about the ones who have a bright, happy smile and a kind word for everybody...but we rarely mention the ones who *need* the happy smiles and the kind words but keep on keeping on even if they don't get what they need.

I've never read a post-death account of a Christian's life in which someone wrote, "He sure was grouchy all the time, but he always stood up for his faith if anyone had a bad word to say about Jesus." "You know, for a Christian, she never looked very happy, but she stuck with God even when her family turned against her."

I don't know just why I wanted to say all of this...I guess I just wanted to talk about those not-so-chipper kinds of Christians, because I think we all feel not-so-chipper some of the time.

the hunchback of notre maison

I've come to the conclusion that Pippin is spineless. Literally. Here are Exhibits A and B for proof:

Weird. Just weird.

the joys of science

On Monday, Pam and I discovered that if you tear a hole in a bag of microwaveable popcorn *before* microwaving it, you can patch the hole with a piece of Scotch tape. While the bag is cooking happily in the microwave, the tape will melt to the bag, thereby sealing the hole and re-creating the cozy environment in which kernels can explode into lovely, fluffy white treats.

I LOVE POPCORN.

i return....bearing a survey

Well, April tagged me to do this, and I’m glad she did, because it’ll get me back into blogging mode. I’m tellin’ ya, I was born to write for an audience: When I get no feedback on my blog, I get bored with it. Stuff goes into my private journal and never sees the light of blog. So COMMENT, people! Let me know you’re out there! ;o)

So, this survey:

Four jobs you have had in your life:
1. 1998-1999. Enterer of vehicle information and parking ticket records in the Security Office of Oklahoma Christian University. Woo.
2. February-May 2000. I worked at Lakeshore Learning Store (May Avenue, Oklahoma City), stocking shelves, filling orders, and running the register, but I don’t remember what my official position was. Clerk?
3. July 2000-May 2001, July-October 2001. Correspondence Representative at Midland Mortage Company, Oklahoma City. Never get a 30-year mortgage. 15-year is the only smart way to go.
4. November 2001-present. Missionary: teacher, counselor, innkeeper, organizer, mentor, writer, artist, janitor, interior decorator, construction worker, friend, sister, wife, and using all these roles to tell others about Jesus in Chemnitz, Germany.

Four movies you would watch over and over:
1. Lord of the Rings ("Po-TAY-toes!")
2. What’s Up, Doc? ("Don't you dare strike that brave, unbalanced woman!")
3. Gone with the Wind ("It ain' fittin', it jes' ain' fittin'!")
4. Benny & Joon ("Some cultures are defined by their relationship to cheese.")

Four places you have lived:
1. McKinney, Texas. (I don’t remember it.)
2. Darmstadt, Germany. (“Darmstadt” means “Intestine City.”)
3. Edmond, Oklahoma. (“Edmond” is the name of the main character in “The Count of Monte Christo” by Alexandre Dumas.)
4. Chemnitz, Germany. (It was Karl-Marx-Stadt before the Wall fell in 1989.)

Four TV shows you love to watch:
1. The X-Files
2. Lost
3. 24
4. American Idol
(I would add Gilmore Girls, but it hasn’t been impressing me lately.)

Four places you have been on vacation:
1. Florence, Italy. (One of the most beautiful cities on earth.)
2. The Ring of Kerry, Ireland. (I want to live there.)
3. Stoupa, Greece. (Want a perfect coastal Grecian village? This is it.)
4. Creede, Colorado. (Yeah, I think I left a piece of my heart up there.)

Four websites you visit often:
1. http://letsplaychess.com
2. http://www.yahoo.com
3. http://elfwood.lysator.liu.se/elfwood.html
4. http://dict.leo.org

Four of your favorite foods:
1. Chocolate. Anything.
2. Greek: Bifteki, souflaki, tzatziki.
3. Sushi: Anything, so far.
4. Mexican: Guacamole, chiken fajitas, spinach quesadillas, and sopapeias.

Four "places" you would rather be right now:
1. A beach in Hawaii.
2. A log cabin in Colorado.
3. Jerusalam or Cairo. (I want a vacation, can you tell?)
4. Heaven.

Four people who are tagged to do this:
1. Ed C. (Though I doubt he will.) ;o)
2. Matt G. (I’m not sure he will, either.)
3. Leenda L. (She might, if she has time.)
4. Patricia M. (And I'm 99% sure she'll go for it!) ;o)

just a random thought that popped into my head while i was doing housework

You'll never be more alive than you are right now. A day from now, you'll be older. Your body will be older, your cells will be older. You'll be closer to physical death than you've ever been before. An hour from now, you'll be closer to death. A minute from now. A second.

So do the good you can while you can!

___________

For those who feel discomfited by my statements about death, here's an interesting something that's long been one of my personal poetic favorites:

Death is no fearsome mystery.
He is well known to thee and me.
He hath no secrets he can keep
to trouble any good man's sleep

Turn not thy face from Death away.
Care not he takes our breath away.
Fear him not, he's not thy master,
rushing at thee faster, faster.
Not thy master but servant to
the Maker of thee, what or Who
created death, created thee
--and is the only mystery.

--Dean Koontz
in "Hideaway"

coming weekend

Hi all,
Just wanted to give you a heads-up on my weekend plans. I'm leaving tomorrow morning to travel with Amanda and Gundi to a German Ladies' Retreat at Bergkirchen, near Hannover. The organizers for this retreat are the ladies from the church in Kiel, and they asked me to to a speech/talk/sermon/whateveryouchoosetocallit. My topic is "Trusting in God."

Since I've never attended this particular retreat before, *my task* is trusting that God will give me the right words to say. Strangely enough, I'm not nearly as nervous about speaking as I was before the Filzmoos Retreat in September. Don't know if that means that God imbued me with more peace of mind, or that I'm well-prepared, or that I'm just overconfident.

Whichever it is, I plan to have a good time with it. ;o)

why, oh why do i do this?

It's 12:25 in the morning. I should be in bed, asleep, or at least getting ready for bed, preparing for sleep. I'm going to end up sleeping until 9 a.m. because I must get my minimum eight hours per night, and I'm going to be irritated with myself most of the day for going to bed late and then sleeping through half the morning.

Ed is watching football, which is weird because he never stays up this late. Except that he's been staying up this late a lot recently, which is due to my bad influence (I think) and the availability of American TV through Matt's slingbox.

I, on the other hand, am putting off going to bed by reading Wil Wheaton's blog, all because he was one of my favorite actors on ST:TNG years and years ago. Is that weird of me?

On Friday I'll be traveling to northern Germany to a German Ladies' Retreat, where I'm to do a lesson/sermon/speech/whatever on trusting in God. And I'm not even done writing it yet.

*sigh* I'm going to bed now.

i've told you a million times not to exaggerate

I think you are exaggerating... Everything I need is in my soul? The Heck it is! Or if so, it must contain a great many virtues and a great deal of wisdom which neither I nor anyone else could ever find there. Very little of what I need at present is in my soul. I mean, even things of the soul's own sort, like humility or truthfulness. And it certainly does not in any obvious sense contain a number of other things which I need at the moment; e.g. a stamp for this letter. Never exaggerate. Never say more than you really mean.

--C.S. Lewis
Letters to Children
April 20, 1959

So much for the popular belief that we humans can be completely self-sufficient. So much for New-Agey metaphysics. We need to quit saying of ourselves "I AM" and start focusing on the One who really is.

another thought to share

Christ's life is the way to greater happiness. Helen Keller, blind all her life, was nonetheless typical of Jesus' followers when she said in her later years, "Life is beautiful." Napoleon, on the other hand, after conquering all of Europe, said, "I've never known five happy days in my life."

There's a quiet power in living a Christlike life. ...Napoleon observed that he, Alexander the Great, Caesar, and Charlemagne had all founded empires based on force. Jesus, however, founded His kingdom on love and humility. Today there are millions who have committed their lives to Jesus and would probably die for Him. How many would die for Napoleon or Caesar? So which is the greater power?

--Willard Tate
"How To Get What You Want and Want What You Get"

I know none of us can say with 100% certainty what we would do in a given hypothetical situation. However, I can say with complete assurance that I would never willingly give my life for a government, a nation, a system, an institution, or an organization. Nothing manmade is worth dying for.

And though I haven't been tested in this regard, I do think that I would be willing to die for Jesus. I can't imagine ever believing that keeping my physical life is worth denying Christ. I can't imagine ever wanting to give up eternity with God in order to keep my physical life.

My sinuses don't even work properly--why should I care what happens to this body I live in? ;o)

And yet, even with these high ideals, I still have trouble giving up my human desires. I still find it almost impossible to separate my real needs from my perferences, my mere wants. Last week, I said that I needed that new pair of jeans. After all, my other pairs don't really fit properly. But no, let me be honest: I didn't need the jeans, I just wanted them. I don't need the new bed, I just want it. I don't need to wear makeup or get another degree or go to movies regularly or be able to flit back and forth between Oklahoma and Germany....I just want to.

In Lucado's "Traveling Light," I read:

Are you in prison? You are if you feel better when you have more and worse when you have less. You are if joy is one delivery away, one transfer away, one award away, or one makeover away. If your happiness comes from something you deposit, drive, drink, or digest, then face it--you are in prison, the prison of want.

Yep. I'm in it. I keep getting paroled, God keeps bailing me out, but like a moron I keep running back in, like the criminal who can't handle living in the real world.

Oh, for the maturity to stay out of jail!!! :oP

new art in progress (click pics to enlarge)

Just 'cause.

Here I am working on my latest painting. Bad angle, can't see much. But at least you're getting something of a view of the magic in progress. Ha ha.

And here's the painting itself, as it is so far. The title will be "According to the Dove on Far-Off Terebinths." Funny, since there aren't going to be any terebinths in the painting. Terebinths are trees, if you were wondering.

My inspiration for both title and painting came from Psalm 56. In the English Standard Version, the intro to this psalm mentions the doves and terebinths. And verse 8 reads, "You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?" Hence, the painting will eventually portray the dove's tears dripping into a bottle drawn on the book's open page. So far, I'm pleased with the way everything's turning out. Except for the candle, which I dislike immensely.

Feedback appreciated.

EDIT: I'd like to point out that in the top pic, I'm wearing one of my trusty painting shirts. It's a Los Angeles Raiders shirt--even though I've never cared that much about baseball teams.... That was a joke, by the way. Ha ha. Anyway, the shirt is about 14 years old, and it used to be black, but now it's gray and covered in paint, and I love it. ;o)

i am a stupid sheep

Let me say up front that I’m not going make a big ado about what people think of Max Lucado. Personally, I don’t know the man, and I haven’t even read enough about him to begin forming an opinion. Currently, I’m reading his book “Traveling Light,” and it’s making enough sense to me that I wanted to share the following passges from his book with whomever might be interested. The last paragraph especially packs a punch.

All I needed to do was apologize, but I had to argue.
All I needed to do was listen, but I had to open my big mouth.
All I needed to do was be patient, but I had to take control.
All I had to do was give it to God, but I had to fix it myself.

Too much stubbornness. Too much independence. Too much self-reliance.

We humans want to do things our way. Forget the easy way. Forget the common way. Forget the best way. Forgot God’s way. We want to do things our way.

And, according to the Bible, that’s precisely our problem. “We all have wandered away like sheep; each of us has gone his own way” (Isaiah 53:6).

Sheep are dumb!
And defenseless.
What’s more, sheep are dirty.

Couldn’t David have thought of a better metaphor?
How about:

“The Lord is my commander in chief, and I am his warrior.” There. We like that better. A warrior gets a uniform and a weapon, maybe even a medal.

Or, “The Lord is my inspiration, and I am his singer.” We are in God’s choir; what a flattering assignment.

Or, “The Lord is my king, and I am his ambassador.” Who wouldn’t like to be a spokesperson for God?

Still uncomfortable with being considered a sheep? Will you humor me and take a simple quiz? See if you succeed in self-reliance. Raise your hand if any of the following describe you.

You can control your moods. You’re never grumpy or sullen…always upbeat and upright.
You are at peace with everyone. Every relationship as sweet as fudge… Love all and loved by all.
You have no fears. Wall Street plummets—no problem. Heart condition discovered—yawn.
You need no forgiveness. Never made a mistake. As clean as grandma’s kitchen.

Let’s evaluate this. You can’t control your moods. A few of your relationships are shaky. You have fears and faults. Hmmm. Do you really want to hang on to your [baggage] of self-reliance? Sounds to me as if you could use a shepherd. Otherwise, you might end up with a Twenty-third Psalm like this:

I am my own shepherd. I am always in need.
I stumble from mall to mall and shrink to shrink, seeking relief but never finding it.
I creep through the valley of the shadow of death and fall apart.
I fear everything from pesticides to power lines, and I’m starting to act like my mother.
I go down to the weekly staff meeting and am surrounded by enemies. I go home, and even my goldfish scowls at me.
I anoint my headache with extra-strength Tylenol.
My Jack Daniel’s runneth over.
Surely misery and misfortune will follow me, and I will live in self-doubt for the rest of my lonely life.

Why is it that the ones who most need a shephed resist him so?

And that’s the question, isn’t it? WHY can I not get this through my thick skull? WHY can I not learn to rely on God? WHY do I keep making the same stupid mistakes over and over again? I am one of the ones who most needs the Shepherd, and yet I resist him. I don’t ask him for help, I don’t talk to him about my problems, worries, and needs, and I persist in holding on to the silly notion that I can rely on things that aren’t even real.

Being human is sometimes so ridiculously frustrating!!!

The Guild of Young Illustrators, Part I, brought to you by....My 200th Blogpost!

In celebration of my 200th post here, I’m taking a few pixels out of Leenda’s blog and giving you a sample of some of my early work. As you can see, my interests in art and literature are no new or passing fancy: Even at age seven, I was already deeply enamored of creative expression in both the visual and literary arts. Please note the already advanced skill level visible in the following piece. (Click on the image to enlarge it.)

Naturally, I more than welcome constructive criticism! After all, what is a writer, what is an artiste, without the valuable input of her devoted readers and audience? If anyone is looking to hire an illustrator, please contact me posthaste.

In conclusion, please note that the above story found its way to paper long before the dawn of the electronic spellchecker.

Thank you for your kind consideration.

oh, grossenheimer! or: the joy of pets

Long story short: While Ed and I were visiting Jan in the hospital this evening, Pippin puked on the hall carpet at home. So naturally, when we arrived at home, I proceeded to step in said puke not only with my boots but also with two DIFFERENT pairs of socks before realizing what she had done, what I had done, and why there were damp spots everywhere I walked.

Do I need to comment further on this? No. No, I don't believe that I do.

*sigh*

blogging humor

"Non Sequitur"
by Wiley Miller

Click to enlarge.

"separation of church and state"--what nonsense!

"It is the duty of all Nations to acknowledge the providence of Almighty God, to obey His will, to be grateful for His benefits, and humbly to implore His protection and favor.

"...(T)hat great and glorious Being, who is the beneficient Author of all the good that was, that is, or that will be. That we may then all unite in rendering unto Him our sincere and humble thanks, for His kind care and protection of the People of this country, for the favorable interpositions of His providence, for the great degree of tranquility, union, and plenty, which we have enjoyed, for the peaceable and rational manner in which we have been enabled to establish constitutions of government for our safety and happiness, for the civil and religious liberty with which we are blessed, and the means we have of acquiring and diffusing useful knowledge, and in general for all the great and various favors which He hath been pleased to confer upon us.

"We beseech Him to pardon our national and other transgressions, to promote the knowledge and practice of true religion and virtue, and the increase of science among us, and to grant unto all Mankind such a degree of temporal prosperity as He alone knows to be best."

--George Washington
in his First Thanksgiving Proclamation
New York, October 3, 1789


"...(S)eparation between church and state--such claptrap! Such a wall serves only those who want to keep God on the far side of it, so they can divide up the nation without interference."

--Orson Scott Card
"Heartfire"

as a Christian, i find this SCARY!!!

So, I read this article on Yahoo! earlier. If you don't want to click and read the whole thing, here are a few highlights:

An individual named Jonathan "The Impaler" Sharkey plans to run for governor of Minnesota. A few things about Mr. Sharkey:

He's 41 years old.
He's a self-proclaimed vampire.
He'll be representing the Vampyres, Witches and Pagans Party.
He says that if elected, he will post "everything from the Ten Commandments to the Wicca Reed" in government buildings.

Now, don't get me wrong. I don't have much of a problem with the things I've listed above. Y'know, if a guy wants to call himself a vampire--fine. I think that's weird and a bit disturbing when you think of the implications, but it's his life.
If the laws of the USA allow something called a "Vampyres, Witches and Pagans" Party to exist--fine. I think that's disturbing, too, but everything except Christianity seems to be politically popular lately. One deals with it and moves on with one's life and faith.
And I don't really care *what* is posted or not posted in government buildings. The Ten Commandments, standing alone, aren't a creed of Christianity, anyway--technically, they're a creed of Judaism. I think it would be nice for them to be displayed publically, but there's way more to Christianity than just those ten "Dos and Don'ts" (as some might call them). (Taking "In God We Trust" off our currency would be a bigger deal, I think.) If Mr. Sharkey wants to post creeds of all religions in our government buildings, he'd do better to represent Christianity with "I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God" (seeing as how the Ten C.s don't say anything about Him).

Anyway....here are the things about Mr. Sharkey's gubernatorial bid that DO scare me (quotes taken from the Yahoo! article):

• '"I'm a Satanist who doesn't hate Jesus," Sharkey told Reuters. "I just hate God the Father."'
  (OH.....well, that's okay, then.)
• 'Sharkey also pledged to execute convicted murders and child molesters personally by impaling them on a wooden pole outside the state capitol.'
  (I guess that's why he's called "The Impaler." Just think of little Timmy..."Mom, can we go see the impaling today? Pleeeeeeease?")
• 'Sharkey told the Minneapolis Star Tribune that he's a vampire "just like you see in the movies and TV."
  '"I sink my fangs into the neck of my donor ... and drink their blood," he said, adding that his donor is his wife, Julie.'
  (Just remember, folks, you heard it here first! Romance is alive and well! Er....I mean, dead and well. Romance is dead and....ill. Yeah.)

Okay, supposed vampirism (or vampyrism if you prefer, whatever) aside.....the guy's a Satanist who sucks blood out of his wife's neck. He's a PSYCHO! I truly hope I'm not the only one who thinks his being in a leadership position in the U.S. (or any other country, for that matter) would be a very, very bad idea. Please, somebody join me in my rant against such insanity! Gah! What is this country coming to???

Either it's scary as _____, or it just makes for amusing, head-shaking, eye-rolling reading.

P.S. I'm absolutely thrilled beyond belief that I got to use the word "gubernatorial." I've always wanted to do that!

in other news....

.....I keep forgetting that I want to tell y'all this: After a disastrous holiday season eating-wise, I am back to my new eating lifestyle (NOT a diet!). I've lost the weight I gained over Christmas and then some. So I'm now down to 134 pounds!!!! When I started this in August, I weighed 156.....you do the math. ;o)

Tomorrow, I shall treat myself to some chocolate!

i love it that.....

......today is Friday the 13th!!! ;o)

what am i going to do with my life?

Have I mentioned that I'm sick? Sinus infection, of course. I'm not even gonna waste the energy it would take to gripe about it. I'm on antibiotics, which upset my stomach, wear me out completely, but wire me so that I can't sleep. So, instead of lying awake in bed and getting frustrated over inability to sleep, here I am, blogging. Woo.

These are some thoughts from an email I wrote to a friend once-upon-a-time. I happened to run across them where I'd saved them in my journal, so I thought I'd share them here.

Don't call yourself pathetic. I don't think it's pathetic not to know what you want to do. As I get older, I start to think more and more that this isn't a pathetic condition--it's a normal one. And while we're on the subject of choosing life's direction: Where is it written that when we are choosing the direction our lives should go, this direction necessarily has to have anything to do with a *job*? I think that when we think about the future, jobs and careers should be secondary. Your job does not define who you are. Robert Byrne said, "People's hobbies are more their measure than are their jobs." So even hobbies define you more than a job does!

So if jobs and careers are secondary in self-definition, what's primary? Who you are. Who you want to be. Where you want to be eternally. You can have the best job in the world and the most successful career in history, but it won't have one whit of influence on where you spend eternity. Who you are, however, the real you on the inside, will determine entirely where you spend eternity. So when choosing a direction for your life, the focus should be on where you want to spend eternity and what you have to do to get there.

I'm telling myself all this, too, just kind of thinking out loud. I believe what I'm saying, yet I still feel vulnerable when I think about my uncertain future. I think you're right about focusing on God and giving yourself time to figure yourself out. I know I need to do the same thing, especially where God is concerned. It's amazing how you can be working full-time with the church and yet neglect your own spiritual life at the same time. And neglect God at the same time. I don't pray enough.....I have to admit that it's rare that I sit down or kneel and just pray for half an hour. I'm very good at "arrow prayers"--thinking of God at random times during the day and just having a "little talk" with Him. But I hardly ever just sit and talk to Him for a long time and bare my heart to Him.

...My life would improve radically if I tried harder to focus on Him.

Rule #212. Save personal emails.

Had another great post all typed out, and the stupid Blogger system chose to dump it into the impenetrable vastness of cyberspace. I am NOT gonna type all that again! Not right now, anyway. So here's the bare bones content of what was a brilliant piece of writing, if I dare say so myself:

Yesterday, I dug out the disks containing all the files from my college years: thesis papers, essays, projects, and the like, with the intention of transferring them to a more secure CD (a project I've been wanting to do for several years). I also, to my surprise, delight, and wonder, found a file composed of 350 pages of emails I received during my freshman year at OC!!! Emails that are nine, almost ten years old! For someone with a Swiss cheese memory like mine, these emails are a veritable treasure trove. I didn't read all 350 pages, of course! but I skimmed the file and stopped to read when something caught my eye. Suddenly, I found myself remembering events and feelings I didn't know I'd forgotten. Here are a few highlights:

• the birth of a professor's son.....a son who is now almost 9 years old
• my inconsiderate attitude toward my parents, who only wanted to hear from me
• the number and intensity of fights with my then-boyfriend, and the specifics of what I was upset about
• a classmate's hacking into the OC email system and sending out a bunch of fake emails under my name
• going to my cousin's apartment in Edmond to check on her because no one had heard from her in several days
• I have never forgotten Jarrod, of course.....but I had forgotten how often we emailed each other before he drowned at the end of my freshman year at OC, right after his highschool graduation.
• a crazy group of friends and how we used to email each other multiple times a day, for some reason ;o) ( mostly people I'm no longer in contact with now)
• the number of emails I got from a friend in Germany, whom I now haven't heard from in years
• the wise advice my parents gave me, advice that I mostly ignored to my own detriment

I'm thankful that I've learned and matured since then.

So, the moral of this story is: Save old personal emails, because you never know when you might benefit from looking back on who you were and how others responded to you.

The End.

choking games

While Ed and I were at my parents' house before Christmas, I watched "Dr. Phil" with my mom. I know most people ridicule what they call Dr. Phil's "pop psychology," but I really like what he has to say and how he says it. He's bluntly honest and cuts right to the heart of an issue in a way that's foreign to most of us. And his views on marriage, family, and culture are very healthy.

Anyway, in this episode I watched with my mom, Dr. Phil was talking about teens who engage in "choking games": games in which they cause themselves or others to pass out in order to get a thrill or a high. I had heard of this sort of thing before, but I didn't know it was so widespread.

And I didn't know that it's so dangerous. I'm thinking most of you, my Faithful Readers, don't know much about it either, so I went researching online. This little activity is not "just a game," it's not something to do "just for fun." It's dangerous and deadly. It's playing Russian roulette with your brain. Here are some of the things I've found:

From ABC News:

• The age range most commonly involved in this behavior is 9-14. I'm not so sure they wouldn't already know something about these games. They are more common than we adults would like to believe. I would treat discussion of this like the discussion of any other high-risk behavior like smoking, alcohol and drugs. For example, when talking about drugs, you could say, "Some kids think they can 'get high' without using drugs or alcohol by hyperventilating or putting pressure on their chest or neck. This can be just as dangerous and some kids have actually died doing it."
• There are two parts to the experience. The first is a light-headedness (a perceived "high") due to reduced blood flow, and therefore reduced delivery of oxygen, to the brain. The second part comes with the removal of pressure on the chest or neck releasing a powerful surge of dammed up blood up through the carotid arteries into the brain (a perceived "rush").
• This activity has no sexual component and should not be confused with autoerotic asphyxia (AEA) as practiced by older, nearly exclusively male, adolescents and young adults. Asphyxial games are played by both boys and girls, most of whom are pre-pubertal or in early puberty. The primary goal is a brief, consciousness altering experience. In AEA the sexual element is primary with pornography, cross-dressing and elaborate bindings being prominent features of the scene investigation.
• There are reports of children having sustained enough anoxic (lack of oxygen) brain damage as a result of some catastrophe playing the game to be permanently disabled. Short-term effects may still include sudden death — even when playing with a partner or group. For example, if a player has his/her hands around a partner's neck and stimulates a small mass of nerve cells, called the carotid bodies, the heart can be brought to a virtual standstill. Other short-term effects may be traumatic injury. There have been reports of emergency room visits to repair lacerations of the scalp, sprained wrists and other injuries when a player has passed out and fallen against a piece of furniture or to the floor. One article from France describes damage to the retina in children playing what is called "the scarf game."
• Assuming the child is playing alone, he/she could lose consciousness within a minute after constricting the neck. Once the child loses consciousness the weight of their own body will tighten the ligature and death will occur in as little as 2 to 4 minutes.
• Names the game is known by: "Passout," "Blackout," "Space Monkey," "Space Cowboy," "Knockout," "Gasp," "Rising Sun," "Airplaning"

From an interview with 14-year-old Alyssa on Dr. Phil's website:

• “Do you know that your brain at that point is essentially in seizure? That what you’ve done is asphyxiated your brain to the point that your brain cells are dying...It’s not 'could kill some brain cells,' you are killing brain cells … Probably in the millions, definitely not recoverable. And so every time that happens, there could be hemorrhage, there could be silent strokes in the temporal lobe and other areas. Even if nothing catastrophic ever happens, the damage is inalterable.”
• Alyssa: “Nothing can happen to you. But usually the person you’re choking you care about, at least a little bit.”
  Dr. Phil: “Do you hear any logical contradiction or inconsistency in using the phrase, ‘the person you’re choking,’ and ‘care about’ in the same sentence?”
  Alyssa: "I know it sounds really bad--”
  Dr. Phil: "You say this is at least a friend, right? And you’ve got them down choking them, and you’re not trained in martial arts. You’re not trained in self-defense. You’re not trained in neural-anatomy. You’re not trained in respiratory aspects of functioning of the human body. So what you’re doing is just kind of deciding how hard to push and not push and how long and how much. You have absolutely no basis whatsoever in knowing how to predict the consequences of what you’re doing."
• “Between 400 and 500 kids a year die from this game (in America)… And that doesn’t count those that just have serious injuries and have to get tracheotomies, or they have strokes, or they have memory loss, they have other neurological impairments secondary to asphyxiation.”

Warning Signs:

• Linear abrasions (scrapes) or bruises on the neck
• Petechiae (tiny, pinpoint bleeding spots) of the skin of the face, especially the eyelids, or of the conjunctiva (the lining of the eyelids and eyes)
• High-necked shirts, even in warm weather
• Intermittent hoarseness without other explanation such as a cold or allergies
• The unexplained presence of dog leashes, choke collars, bungee cords, etc
• If the child uses a computer, check the history of sites visited periodically

Food for thought.

how much is it worth to you?

"This very personal relationship, 'value,' has two factors for a human being: first, what he can do with a thing, its use to him...and second, what he must do to get it, its cost to him. There is an old song which asserts 'the best things in life are free.' Not true! Utterly false! This was the tragic fallacy which brought on the decadence and collapse of the democracies of the twentieth century; those noble experiments failed because the people had been led to believe that they could simply vote for whatever they wanted...and get it, without toil, without sweat, without tears.

"Nothing of value is free. Even the breath of life is purchased at birth only through gasping effort and pain. ...If you boys and girls had to sweat for your toys the way a newly born baby has to struggle to live you would be happier...and much richer. As it is, with some of you, I pity the poverty of your wealth.

"...I fancy that the poet who wrote that song meant to imply the the best things in life must be purchased other than with money--which is true--just as the literal meaning of his words is false. The best things in life are beyond money; their price is agony and sweat and devotion...and the price demanded for the most precious of all things in life is life itself--ultimate cost for perfect value."

--Robert A. Heinlein
"Starship Troopers"

Many thoughts come to mind as I read this quote. The first, most obvious one is that the novel "Starship Troopers" is infinitely more intelligent than the movie. The movie was, to put it bluntly, a cheap imitation of something the imitators obviously didn't understand. Or just didn't care about. They pared the story down to a showcase of its action, eviscerating it of the meaty philosophy that is so much more interesting than the lasers and scary aliens and futuristic-looking technology. I'm convinced the film would have been more successful had the producers left the real story in the story.

My second thought is that Heinlein is absolutely right in what he wrote about the 20th century's democracies. Oh, certainly, they haven't collapsed yet...but I won't be surprised if I still live to see their collapse in the future. They certainly are a grand and noble experiment...but they are, as Heinlein described them, decadent. For those of us who live in democracies--mostly in the Western world--what is there that we can't truly just reach out and take, compared with the rest of the world's societies? We might whine and complain about missing a few amenities here and there, but in truth we are decadent, morally lounging around with the bowl of ripe fruit no further than our fingertips. Sure, we work hard at our jobs...but even those are practically given to us. (Check and compare with history before you condemn me for that statement. Jobs have never been so secure and easily attainable as they have been in the Western world for the past 200 years.) As a whole, our societies are morally and ethically bankrupt. We get our lifestyles handed to us on a silver platter, and we react with righteous indignation if someone dares suggest we don't deserve them. We no longer remember how to value what we've got.

And if we don't remember soon, our precious democracies are going to collapse. No society, no government, can stand up under the weight of self-righteous immorality--Heinlein's decadence--for long. The people who agonized and sweated and devoted themselves to the creation of our democracies...those people are long gone, and we have no speakers for the dead (to borrow an Orson Scott Card phrase) to remind us of the true significance of their sacrifices.

The final thought I want to share relates to the final statement in the Heinlein quote: the price demanded for the most precious of all things in life is life itself--ultimate cost for perfect value. From what I've read of his writings and his biography, Heinlein wasn't a believer in the Biblical sense of the word...but I think he hits the nail of Christianity right on the head. I view the above quote from two perspectives:

First, Jesus paid the ultimate cost: his life for us. In order to give us eternal life, which is the perfect value, he chose to submit to the demand for his life in return for ours. Jesus set the perfect example of how we humans should place value: the value is directly related to and dependent on the cost. In the Lord's eyes, our eternal life with him--our chance at eternal life, should we choose to accept it--has perfect value. So he accepted the ultimate cost, giving us his agony and bloodsweat and devotion.

Second, in order for us to accept his gift, we must give the ultimate cost as well: our lives for him. Not necessarily in a physical sense, though some have given that, too. But in a spiritual sense: our agony, sweat, and devotion--the essence of our lives--for the perfect value: a relationship with him, starting in this life and carrying on eternally into the next. The most precious of all things.

In this life, this most precious of all things could cost us everything.

I feel like I'm not getting to the heart of the matter, that I'm not expressing the thoughts that are circling around inside my head. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I think sacrificing my life--paying the ultimate cost--for Jesus is worth everything I've got. He's worth everything I am.

Those inadequate words will just have to do for now.

(Kudos to you if you read this whole post.)

soaps, movies, news, trivia, jokes, beer, football, golf, tennis, rugby

One of the social forums of Chessworld bears the above title. Somebody started a thread there to share their thoughts on each subject, so I thought I'd do the same here:

Soaps: Bath & Body Works Sweet Pea Anti-Bacterial Deep-Cleansing Hand Soap, and the Melaleuca Gold Bar (it's lemon-scented!)

Movies: all Star Trek films except "Star Trek V: The Final Frontier"; LOTR trilogy; "To Kill A Mockingbird"; "Galaxy Quest"; "What's Up, Doc?"; "Clue"; "What Lies Beneath"; and many more--I like movies.

News: I don't watch it, but I read Yahoo! articles on occasion. I've given up keeping current with news because I'm tired of all the depressing stuff and the spin the media put on everything.

Trivia: (1) It is physically impossible to sneeze with your eyes open. (2) There is so much sand in Northern Africa that if it were spread out, it would completely cover the Sahara Desert.

Jokes: I like them if they're not vulgar or bigoted. I'm not very good at remembering punchlines, though. ;o)
Duct tape is like the Force: It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

Beer: Yuck.

Football: Always reminds me of gladiators, lions, and Christians in the Roman Colosseum. Fans screaming for blood and all that.

Baseball: I've been to one game in my life. It was neat, but I can't say I would ever make it a personal pastime.

Golf: I enjoy miniature golf (aka putt-putt) a lot! I think if I tried to play real golf, I'd hurt myself. Or others.

Tennis: Last year, I saw the film "Wimbledon," which was enjoyable, except for the vulgar language. (Why do people think that is so necessary?) I thoroughly enjoy Paul Bettany's performances, though I'm really not that impressed with Kirsten Dunst. (Her last truly great performance was in "Interview With The Vampire," in my opinion.)

Rugby: This word always reminds me of "Furbee" (Furby?), those funny little stuffed toys that supposedly speak their own language.

me, being randomly opinionated

I'd just like to say that sometimes, I get really tired of computer-generated art. Stuff created in Bryce or Poser, or even just stuff colored in Photoshop. It all just looks too perfect, you know what I mean? Perfect parallel lines, perfect symmetry, perfect gradients of light and shadow. Where's the humanity?

Oh sure, it all looks spectacular, and computer programs are perfect for creating otherworldly images....But doesn't it all just start looking the same after awhile???

I'm bored with computer art, I guess. Give me the errors and imprecision and the mess of oils and brushes, give me a medium I can dig my hands into and digest with my imagination.

On the other hand, maybe I'm just jealous. *grin*

scientists may have found Mozart's skull...

.....read a Yahoo! news headline today.

I didn't even know his skull was missing.

wish list & thank yous

***lists updated January 7, 2007***

For Wishes Fulfilled, Special Thanks To:

• Joel for toothpaste and deodorant!
• Karen for "Hitch"!
• Mandy for B&BW goodies!
• James for Cheez-Its!
• Clint and April for the NT on MP3!
• Kendra for Soundings 2005 & 2006!
• Steve and Kristi for "Ferris," B&BW goodies, and Melaleuca toothpaste!&nbsp

   
  Courtney's List:
  I have moved most of my wishes to a Froogle list, which you can see if you click here!

Courtney's Non-Froogled Items:

• anything and everything from Bath & Body Works
• Victoria's Secret dream angels heavenly eau de parfum Spray
• Victoria's Secret dream angels divine eau de parfum Spray
• Victoria's Secret Very Sexy For Her eau de parfum Spray
• Herbal essences body wash
• queen-sized bedsheets
• "Famous 2 -- The Finest Female Jazz Today"
• a Caribbean cruise ;o)
• a Star-Trek-style transporter, so I can go back and forth across the world anytime I want to!

Ed's List

• the Old Testament on MP3 (He has something specific in mind, so you'll have to ask him about the details.)
• "Gone In 60 Seconds" soundtrack
• "Ray" soundtrack
• "Ocean's Twelve" soundtrack
• Led Zeppelin's "Stairway To Heaven" album
• Rockapella albums

click this: the Bible is SO outdated!

Holiday HistoryEpisode Three: Post-Christmas...New Year's, Actually

Images from December 31, 2005! In the final hours of 2005 (CET), a bunch of us gathered at the church building for a Chili Cook-Off (April won! Pam placed 2nd, and Frau & Ed tied for 3rd), games, fireworks, and general crazy fun. Click the pics for larger images!

Chowin' down! My chili didn't place in the contest....BUT I ACTUALLY MADE CHILI! FOR THE FIRST TIME! Yay me. ;o)

Clint during our "Win, Lose or Draw," mocking someone who shall remain nameless. ;o)

Conny and Jennifer being cute!

Ed and Frau "get a clue." LOL

Van and I being cute!

Some of Van's fireworks!

The church grounds didn't look the same after Ed, Clint, and Larry had finished off their stash of fireworks. ;o)

Ed enjoying pyromania.
Interpretive New Year's Dance by April and Marion.

Sparkly girls!

Holiday HistoryEpisode Two: Pre-Christmas With The Chemnitzers

Our second pre-Christmas celebration! This time with the Sullivans, the Everharts, the Frau, and the Refinnej. We did a name-drawing for a gift exchange--Kendra gave me a lightsaber, which I'm sure will come in handy on the bus and Straßenbahn (tram; streetcar), as well as a lovely hand-knitted scarf. Enjoy the pics! (Click on them for larger versions.)

Kris, with Snickers being conveniently positioned by Kendra.

Ed, Frau, and Pam. One of Ed's gifts from Frau was a broken motherboard, but when Ed opened the package, he didn't know it was broken and thought it was the real gift! Frau, we could've used a real one. ;o)

The Chemnitz crew somewhere in the Erzgebirge (Ore Mountains) on our annual Erzgebirgsrundfahrt (Ore Mountain Around-Driving).

Mr. and Mrs. Everhart--it's their first married Christmas! (Ha ha. "Married" Christmas, get it?) ;o)

Kendra sat around with a chip on her shoulder....from Ed's broken motherboard.

Refinnej likes to take pictures of herself 'cause she's a nerd. (I love you Refinnej!) ;o)

Larry Claus!

Holiday HistoryEpisode One: Pre-Christmas With The Wegers

Ed and I had two Christmases in 2005, one with my parents in Mörfelden and one in Chemnitz. Long story as to the whys and wherefores, and I think many of you Faithful Readers have heard it already. So here are some pictures for you to look at instead of "listening" to me "talking." Ha ha, ho ho ho, and all that. ;o) (Click pics for larger versions.)

Ed and some nerdy chick in a Santa hat. ;o)

Daddy and Mama laughing--he gave her a tiny little envelope in that huge box.

Christmas dinner!!! Stove Top stuffing, Butterball turkey, Mama's green Jello salad and her sweet potato casserole were the highlights for me. YUM!