my johari window

Okay, so I'm gonna try posting my "Johari Window" results. A Johari Window is one of those fun pseudo-psychological quiz-type things that's supposed to tell you what other people think about you. I think it's fun and interesting, and it was neat to find out who among my friends and family chose which adjectives to describe me. Click on the "full data" link down there if you wanna see who picked what.

And I'd like to say that the "arena" and "blind spot" aren't totally accurate; I *do* know a lot of those things about myself; I just wasn't allowed to choose enough adjectives! So there. ;o)

Arena (known to self and others) confident, reflective	Blind Spot (known only to others) able, accepting, adaptable, caring, cheerful, clever, complex, dependable, energetic, friendly, giving, happy, independent, intelligent, kind, knowledgeable, loving, mature, modest, observant, relaxed, religious, self-conscious, sentimental, silly, trustworthy, wise, witty
Façade (known only to self) idealistic, introverted, proud, sympathetic	Unknown (known to nobody) bold, brave, calm, dignified, extroverted, helpful, ingenious, logical, nervous, organised, patient, powerful, quiet, responsive, searching, self-assertive, sensible, shy, spontaneous, tense, warm

Dominant Traits

55% of people think that Courtney Anne Cantrell is intelligent
66% of people think that Courtney Anne Cantrell is loving

All Percentages

able (11%) accepting (11%) adaptable (16%) bold (0%) brave (0%) calm (0%) caring (50%) cheerful (27%) clever (5%) complex (11%) confident (5%) dependable (11%) dignified (0%) energetic (5%) extroverted (0%) friendly (27%) giving (27%) happy (11%) helpful (0%) idealistic (0%) independent (5%) ingenious (0%) intelligent (55%) introverted (0%) kind (5%) knowledgeable (11%) logical (0%) loving (66%) mature (11%) modest (5%) nervous (0%) observant (5%) organised (0%) patient (0%) powerful (0%) proud (0%) quiet (0%) reflective (44%) relaxed (5%) religious (33%) responsive (0%) searching (0%) self-assertive (0%) self-conscious (5%) sensible (0%) sentimental (5%) shy (0%) silly (22%) spontaneous (0%) sympathetic (0%) tense (0%) trustworthy (38%) warm (0%) wise (11%) witty (16%)

Created by the Interactive Johari Window on 27.3.2006, using data from 18 respondents.
You can make your own Johari Window, or view Courtney Anne Cantrell's full data.

creek and feet

We got home from Gemeinsames Essen ( = "communal eating," i.e. potluck) just over an hour ago, and it looks like the neighborhood will be keeping an eye on the creek for the rest of the day. What with the rain on top of the snowmelt, the water level is getting a bit high. The neighbors' basement flooded right next door to us, and Karen is already taking a few anti-flood precautions. Here are a few pictures I took when we got home:

From our third-floor stairwell, the view of our backyard, the creek, and Karen's apartment

The creek at groundlevel. Usually, the water level is about two feet lower.

We'll start having problems if the water rises over the bridge. Hopefully, that won't happen!

In the meantime, here are a few completely flood-unrelated pics. Jennifer and Kendra bought me this neat foot-sock-warmer-thingy at Christmas, and it makes me laugh every time I look at it. I feel like one of those podfoot people in one of C.S. Lewis's Narnia books ("The Voyage of the Dawn Treader," I think).

With legwarmers! Don't forget the legwarmers!

Kids, don't try this at home.

the essentiality of proper sequence

I think it's funny that if you switch around the letters of the word "blech," you get the word "belch."

In English, "blech" means "yuck." In German, "Blech" means "steel plate."

And "belch" in German is "rülpsen."

"Blech!" he belched at the Blech.
"Igitt!" rülpste er das Blech an.

Now doesn't that just make your day go better?

to smile or not to smile?

Earlier, I was reading an email in which the writer was praising a certain Christian who died. To make a long story short, the writer described how this particular Christian always showed a positive attitude, always responded to requests with "I'd be happy to do that!", and never complained about anything. It was a glowing report on a Christian life led in service to God and in service to others.

Before I go on, let me say that I find such Christians to be admirable examples. They don't seem to let adversity touch them; no matter how hard or how bad it gets, they meet every challenge with a smile and with the meekness manifested in quiet strength. These are people I look up to; these are people whose attitudes encourage me to try to be more like Christ. In what I'm about to say, I'm not attempting to criticize such Christians in the least.

But these glowing, post-death reviews--and I speak of them in plural, because we've all read them in plenty of email forwards and obituaries--these reviews never focus on Christians who struggled visibly to retain a godly attitude. And that raises all sorts of questions in my mind.

What about the Christians who don't smile all the time? What about the brother who answers us with an honest "Like dirt!" when we ask him how he feels? What about the sister who admits openly that she can't take the pressure anymore?

What about these Christians who show their anger, their frustration, their confusion, their depression, their sorrow, their rebelliousness...What of these Christians who show us all the time that their backs are breaking...but they keep going anyway?

Oh no, I'm not trying to say that these Christians are people who give up. No, they definitely keep plodding away, and sometimes they grumble about it...But they keep going. Somebody makes a request of them, and maybe they don't have a Christlike attitude, maybe they gripe about it...but they do it. They see the snow piling up outside, and maybe they complain that they're ready for summer...but they still make it to every worship service. They've had a rough week, and maybe the last thing they want to do is be around people...but they still say thank you when someone encourages them.

Nobody ever talks about the Christians who keep going even though it's very obviously hard on them. We talk about the ones who have a bright, happy smile and a kind word for everybody...but we rarely mention the ones who *need* the happy smiles and the kind words but keep on keeping on even if they don't get what they need.

I've never read a post-death account of a Christian's life in which someone wrote, "He sure was grouchy all the time, but he always stood up for his faith if anyone had a bad word to say about Jesus." "You know, for a Christian, she never looked very happy, but she stuck with God even when her family turned against her."

I don't know just why I wanted to say all of this...I guess I just wanted to talk about those not-so-chipper kinds of Christians, because I think we all feel not-so-chipper some of the time.

the hunchback of notre maison

I've come to the conclusion that Pippin is spineless. Literally. Here are Exhibits A and B for proof:

Weird. Just weird.

the joys of science

On Monday, Pam and I discovered that if you tear a hole in a bag of microwaveable popcorn *before* microwaving it, you can patch the hole with a piece of Scotch tape. While the bag is cooking happily in the microwave, the tape will melt to the bag, thereby sealing the hole and re-creating the cozy environment in which kernels can explode into lovely, fluffy white treats.

I LOVE POPCORN.

i return....bearing a survey

Well, April tagged me to do this, and I’m glad she did, because it’ll get me back into blogging mode. I’m tellin’ ya, I was born to write for an audience: When I get no feedback on my blog, I get bored with it. Stuff goes into my private journal and never sees the light of blog. So COMMENT, people! Let me know you’re out there! ;o)

So, this survey:

Four jobs you have had in your life:
1. 1998-1999. Enterer of vehicle information and parking ticket records in the Security Office of Oklahoma Christian University. Woo.
2. February-May 2000. I worked at Lakeshore Learning Store (May Avenue, Oklahoma City), stocking shelves, filling orders, and running the register, but I don’t remember what my official position was. Clerk?
3. July 2000-May 2001, July-October 2001. Correspondence Representative at Midland Mortage Company, Oklahoma City. Never get a 30-year mortgage. 15-year is the only smart way to go.
4. November 2001-present. Missionary: teacher, counselor, innkeeper, organizer, mentor, writer, artist, janitor, interior decorator, construction worker, friend, sister, wife, and using all these roles to tell others about Jesus in Chemnitz, Germany.

Four movies you would watch over and over:
1. Lord of the Rings ("Po-TAY-toes!")
2. What’s Up, Doc? ("Don't you dare strike that brave, unbalanced woman!")
3. Gone with the Wind ("It ain' fittin', it jes' ain' fittin'!")
4. Benny & Joon ("Some cultures are defined by their relationship to cheese.")

Four places you have lived:
1. McKinney, Texas. (I don’t remember it.)
2. Darmstadt, Germany. (“Darmstadt” means “Intestine City.”)
3. Edmond, Oklahoma. (“Edmond” is the name of the main character in “The Count of Monte Christo” by Alexandre Dumas.)
4. Chemnitz, Germany. (It was Karl-Marx-Stadt before the Wall fell in 1989.)

Four TV shows you love to watch:
1. The X-Files
2. Lost
3. 24
4. American Idol
(I would add Gilmore Girls, but it hasn’t been impressing me lately.)

Four places you have been on vacation:
1. Florence, Italy. (One of the most beautiful cities on earth.)
2. The Ring of Kerry, Ireland. (I want to live there.)
3. Stoupa, Greece. (Want a perfect coastal Grecian village? This is it.)
4. Creede, Colorado. (Yeah, I think I left a piece of my heart up there.)

Four websites you visit often:
1. http://letsplaychess.com
2. http://www.yahoo.com
3. http://elfwood.lysator.liu.se/elfwood.html
4. http://dict.leo.org

Four of your favorite foods:
1. Chocolate. Anything.
2. Greek: Bifteki, souflaki, tzatziki.
3. Sushi: Anything, so far.
4. Mexican: Guacamole, chiken fajitas, spinach quesadillas, and sopapeias.

Four "places" you would rather be right now:
1. A beach in Hawaii.
2. A log cabin in Colorado.
3. Jerusalam or Cairo. (I want a vacation, can you tell?)
4. Heaven.

Four people who are tagged to do this:
1. Ed C. (Though I doubt he will.) ;o)
2. Matt G. (I’m not sure he will, either.)
3. Leenda L. (She might, if she has time.)
4. Patricia M. (And I'm 99% sure she'll go for it!) ;o)

just a random thought that popped into my head while i was doing housework

You'll never be more alive than you are right now. A day from now, you'll be older. Your body will be older, your cells will be older. You'll be closer to physical death than you've ever been before. An hour from now, you'll be closer to death. A minute from now. A second.

So do the good you can while you can!

___________

For those who feel discomfited by my statements about death, here's an interesting something that's long been one of my personal poetic favorites:

Death is no fearsome mystery.
He is well known to thee and me.
He hath no secrets he can keep
to trouble any good man's sleep

Turn not thy face from Death away.
Care not he takes our breath away.
Fear him not, he's not thy master,
rushing at thee faster, faster.
Not thy master but servant to
the Maker of thee, what or Who
created death, created thee
--and is the only mystery.

--Dean Koontz
in "Hideaway"

coming weekend

Hi all,
Just wanted to give you a heads-up on my weekend plans. I'm leaving tomorrow morning to travel with Amanda and Gundi to a German Ladies' Retreat at Bergkirchen, near Hannover. The organizers for this retreat are the ladies from the church in Kiel, and they asked me to to a speech/talk/sermon/whateveryouchoosetocallit. My topic is "Trusting in God."

Since I've never attended this particular retreat before, *my task* is trusting that God will give me the right words to say. Strangely enough, I'm not nearly as nervous about speaking as I was before the Filzmoos Retreat in September. Don't know if that means that God imbued me with more peace of mind, or that I'm well-prepared, or that I'm just overconfident.

Whichever it is, I plan to have a good time with it. ;o)

why, oh why do i do this?

It's 12:25 in the morning. I should be in bed, asleep, or at least getting ready for bed, preparing for sleep. I'm going to end up sleeping until 9 a.m. because I must get my minimum eight hours per night, and I'm going to be irritated with myself most of the day for going to bed late and then sleeping through half the morning.

Ed is watching football, which is weird because he never stays up this late. Except that he's been staying up this late a lot recently, which is due to my bad influence (I think) and the availability of American TV through Matt's slingbox.

I, on the other hand, am putting off going to bed by reading Wil Wheaton's blog, all because he was one of my favorite actors on ST:TNG years and years ago. Is that weird of me?

On Friday I'll be traveling to northern Germany to a German Ladies' Retreat, where I'm to do a lesson/sermon/speech/whatever on trusting in God. And I'm not even done writing it yet.

*sigh* I'm going to bed now.

i've told you a million times not to exaggerate

I think you are exaggerating... Everything I need is in my soul? The Heck it is! Or if so, it must contain a great many virtues and a great deal of wisdom which neither I nor anyone else could ever find there. Very little of what I need at present is in my soul. I mean, even things of the soul's own sort, like humility or truthfulness. And it certainly does not in any obvious sense contain a number of other things which I need at the moment; e.g. a stamp for this letter. Never exaggerate. Never say more than you really mean.

--C.S. Lewis
Letters to Children
April 20, 1959

So much for the popular belief that we humans can be completely self-sufficient. So much for New-Agey metaphysics. We need to quit saying of ourselves "I AM" and start focusing on the One who really is.

another thought to share

Christ's life is the way to greater happiness. Helen Keller, blind all her life, was nonetheless typical of Jesus' followers when she said in her later years, "Life is beautiful." Napoleon, on the other hand, after conquering all of Europe, said, "I've never known five happy days in my life."

There's a quiet power in living a Christlike life. ...Napoleon observed that he, Alexander the Great, Caesar, and Charlemagne had all founded empires based on force. Jesus, however, founded His kingdom on love and humility. Today there are millions who have committed their lives to Jesus and would probably die for Him. How many would die for Napoleon or Caesar? So which is the greater power?

--Willard Tate
"How To Get What You Want and Want What You Get"

I know none of us can say with 100% certainty what we would do in a given hypothetical situation. However, I can say with complete assurance that I would never willingly give my life for a government, a nation, a system, an institution, or an organization. Nothing manmade is worth dying for.

And though I haven't been tested in this regard, I do think that I would be willing to die for Jesus. I can't imagine ever believing that keeping my physical life is worth denying Christ. I can't imagine ever wanting to give up eternity with God in order to keep my physical life.

My sinuses don't even work properly--why should I care what happens to this body I live in? ;o)

And yet, even with these high ideals, I still have trouble giving up my human desires. I still find it almost impossible to separate my real needs from my perferences, my mere wants. Last week, I said that I needed that new pair of jeans. After all, my other pairs don't really fit properly. But no, let me be honest: I didn't need the jeans, I just wanted them. I don't need the new bed, I just want it. I don't need to wear makeup or get another degree or go to movies regularly or be able to flit back and forth between Oklahoma and Germany....I just want to.

In Lucado's "Traveling Light," I read:

Are you in prison? You are if you feel better when you have more and worse when you have less. You are if joy is one delivery away, one transfer away, one award away, or one makeover away. If your happiness comes from something you deposit, drive, drink, or digest, then face it--you are in prison, the prison of want.

Yep. I'm in it. I keep getting paroled, God keeps bailing me out, but like a moron I keep running back in, like the criminal who can't handle living in the real world.

Oh, for the maturity to stay out of jail!!! :oP

new art in progress (click pics to enlarge)

Just 'cause.

Here I am working on my latest painting. Bad angle, can't see much. But at least you're getting something of a view of the magic in progress. Ha ha.

And here's the painting itself, as it is so far. The title will be "According to the Dove on Far-Off Terebinths." Funny, since there aren't going to be any terebinths in the painting. Terebinths are trees, if you were wondering.

My inspiration for both title and painting came from Psalm 56. In the English Standard Version, the intro to this psalm mentions the doves and terebinths. And verse 8 reads, "You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?" Hence, the painting will eventually portray the dove's tears dripping into a bottle drawn on the book's open page. So far, I'm pleased with the way everything's turning out. Except for the candle, which I dislike immensely.

Feedback appreciated.

EDIT: I'd like to point out that in the top pic, I'm wearing one of my trusty painting shirts. It's a Los Angeles Raiders shirt--even though I've never cared that much about baseball teams.... That was a joke, by the way. Ha ha. Anyway, the shirt is about 14 years old, and it used to be black, but now it's gray and covered in paint, and I love it. ;o)

i am a stupid sheep

Let me say up front that I’m not going make a big ado about what people think of Max Lucado. Personally, I don’t know the man, and I haven’t even read enough about him to begin forming an opinion. Currently, I’m reading his book “Traveling Light,” and it’s making enough sense to me that I wanted to share the following passges from his book with whomever might be interested. The last paragraph especially packs a punch.

All I needed to do was apologize, but I had to argue.
All I needed to do was listen, but I had to open my big mouth.
All I needed to do was be patient, but I had to take control.
All I had to do was give it to God, but I had to fix it myself.

Too much stubbornness. Too much independence. Too much self-reliance.

We humans want to do things our way. Forget the easy way. Forget the common way. Forget the best way. Forgot God’s way. We want to do things our way.

And, according to the Bible, that’s precisely our problem. “We all have wandered away like sheep; each of us has gone his own way” (Isaiah 53:6).

Sheep are dumb!
And defenseless.
What’s more, sheep are dirty.

Couldn’t David have thought of a better metaphor?
How about:

“The Lord is my commander in chief, and I am his warrior.” There. We like that better. A warrior gets a uniform and a weapon, maybe even a medal.

Or, “The Lord is my inspiration, and I am his singer.” We are in God’s choir; what a flattering assignment.

Or, “The Lord is my king, and I am his ambassador.” Who wouldn’t like to be a spokesperson for God?

Still uncomfortable with being considered a sheep? Will you humor me and take a simple quiz? See if you succeed in self-reliance. Raise your hand if any of the following describe you.

You can control your moods. You’re never grumpy or sullen…always upbeat and upright.
You are at peace with everyone. Every relationship as sweet as fudge… Love all and loved by all.
You have no fears. Wall Street plummets—no problem. Heart condition discovered—yawn.
You need no forgiveness. Never made a mistake. As clean as grandma’s kitchen.

Let’s evaluate this. You can’t control your moods. A few of your relationships are shaky. You have fears and faults. Hmmm. Do you really want to hang on to your [baggage] of self-reliance? Sounds to me as if you could use a shepherd. Otherwise, you might end up with a Twenty-third Psalm like this:

I am my own shepherd. I am always in need.
I stumble from mall to mall and shrink to shrink, seeking relief but never finding it.
I creep through the valley of the shadow of death and fall apart.
I fear everything from pesticides to power lines, and I’m starting to act like my mother.
I go down to the weekly staff meeting and am surrounded by enemies. I go home, and even my goldfish scowls at me.
I anoint my headache with extra-strength Tylenol.
My Jack Daniel’s runneth over.
Surely misery and misfortune will follow me, and I will live in self-doubt for the rest of my lonely life.

Why is it that the ones who most need a shephed resist him so?

And that’s the question, isn’t it? WHY can I not get this through my thick skull? WHY can I not learn to rely on God? WHY do I keep making the same stupid mistakes over and over again? I am one of the ones who most needs the Shepherd, and yet I resist him. I don’t ask him for help, I don’t talk to him about my problems, worries, and needs, and I persist in holding on to the silly notion that I can rely on things that aren’t even real.

Being human is sometimes so ridiculously frustrating!!!

The Guild of Young Illustrators, Part I, brought to you by....My 200th Blogpost!

In celebration of my 200th post here, I’m taking a few pixels out of Leenda’s blog and giving you a sample of some of my early work. As you can see, my interests in art and literature are no new or passing fancy: Even at age seven, I was already deeply enamored of creative expression in both the visual and literary arts. Please note the already advanced skill level visible in the following piece. (Click on the image to enlarge it.)

Naturally, I more than welcome constructive criticism! After all, what is a writer, what is an artiste, without the valuable input of her devoted readers and audience? If anyone is looking to hire an illustrator, please contact me posthaste.

In conclusion, please note that the above story found its way to paper long before the dawn of the electronic spellchecker.

Thank you for your kind consideration.

oh, grossenheimer! or: the joy of pets

Long story short: While Ed and I were visiting Jan in the hospital this evening, Pippin puked on the hall carpet at home. So naturally, when we arrived at home, I proceeded to step in said puke not only with my boots but also with two DIFFERENT pairs of socks before realizing what she had done, what I had done, and why there were damp spots everywhere I walked.

Do I need to comment further on this? No. No, I don't believe that I do.

*sigh*

blogging humor

"Non Sequitur"
by Wiley Miller

Click to enlarge.

"separation of church and state"--what nonsense!

"It is the duty of all Nations to acknowledge the providence of Almighty God, to obey His will, to be grateful for His benefits, and humbly to implore His protection and favor.

"...(T)hat great and glorious Being, who is the beneficient Author of all the good that was, that is, or that will be. That we may then all unite in rendering unto Him our sincere and humble thanks, for His kind care and protection of the People of this country, for the favorable interpositions of His providence, for the great degree of tranquility, union, and plenty, which we have enjoyed, for the peaceable and rational manner in which we have been enabled to establish constitutions of government for our safety and happiness, for the civil and religious liberty with which we are blessed, and the means we have of acquiring and diffusing useful knowledge, and in general for all the great and various favors which He hath been pleased to confer upon us.

"We beseech Him to pardon our national and other transgressions, to promote the knowledge and practice of true religion and virtue, and the increase of science among us, and to grant unto all Mankind such a degree of temporal prosperity as He alone knows to be best."

--George Washington
in his First Thanksgiving Proclamation
New York, October 3, 1789


"...(S)eparation between church and state--such claptrap! Such a wall serves only those who want to keep God on the far side of it, so they can divide up the nation without interference."

--Orson Scott Card
"Heartfire"

as a Christian, i find this SCARY!!!

So, I read this article on Yahoo! earlier. If you don't want to click and read the whole thing, here are a few highlights:

An individual named Jonathan "The Impaler" Sharkey plans to run for governor of Minnesota. A few things about Mr. Sharkey:

He's 41 years old.
He's a self-proclaimed vampire.
He'll be representing the Vampyres, Witches and Pagans Party.
He says that if elected, he will post "everything from the Ten Commandments to the Wicca Reed" in government buildings.

Now, don't get me wrong. I don't have much of a problem with the things I've listed above. Y'know, if a guy wants to call himself a vampire--fine. I think that's weird and a bit disturbing when you think of the implications, but it's his life.
If the laws of the USA allow something called a "Vampyres, Witches and Pagans" Party to exist--fine. I think that's disturbing, too, but everything except Christianity seems to be politically popular lately. One deals with it and moves on with one's life and faith.
And I don't really care *what* is posted or not posted in government buildings. The Ten Commandments, standing alone, aren't a creed of Christianity, anyway--technically, they're a creed of Judaism. I think it would be nice for them to be displayed publically, but there's way more to Christianity than just those ten "Dos and Don'ts" (as some might call them). (Taking "In God We Trust" off our currency would be a bigger deal, I think.) If Mr. Sharkey wants to post creeds of all religions in our government buildings, he'd do better to represent Christianity with "I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God" (seeing as how the Ten C.s don't say anything about Him).

Anyway....here are the things about Mr. Sharkey's gubernatorial bid that DO scare me (quotes taken from the Yahoo! article):

• '"I'm a Satanist who doesn't hate Jesus," Sharkey told Reuters. "I just hate God the Father."'
  (OH.....well, that's okay, then.)
• 'Sharkey also pledged to execute convicted murders and child molesters personally by impaling them on a wooden pole outside the state capitol.'
  (I guess that's why he's called "The Impaler." Just think of little Timmy..."Mom, can we go see the impaling today? Pleeeeeeease?")
• 'Sharkey told the Minneapolis Star Tribune that he's a vampire "just like you see in the movies and TV."
  '"I sink my fangs into the neck of my donor ... and drink their blood," he said, adding that his donor is his wife, Julie.'
  (Just remember, folks, you heard it here first! Romance is alive and well! Er....I mean, dead and well. Romance is dead and....ill. Yeah.)

Okay, supposed vampirism (or vampyrism if you prefer, whatever) aside.....the guy's a Satanist who sucks blood out of his wife's neck. He's a PSYCHO! I truly hope I'm not the only one who thinks his being in a leadership position in the U.S. (or any other country, for that matter) would be a very, very bad idea. Please, somebody join me in my rant against such insanity! Gah! What is this country coming to???

Either it's scary as _____, or it just makes for amusing, head-shaking, eye-rolling reading.

P.S. I'm absolutely thrilled beyond belief that I got to use the word "gubernatorial." I've always wanted to do that!

in other news....

.....I keep forgetting that I want to tell y'all this: After a disastrous holiday season eating-wise, I am back to my new eating lifestyle (NOT a diet!). I've lost the weight I gained over Christmas and then some. So I'm now down to 134 pounds!!!! When I started this in August, I weighed 156.....you do the math. ;o)

Tomorrow, I shall treat myself to some chocolate!