Sunday, January 06, 2008
boundaries
I'm thinking about how unfortunate it is that one person will often promise another person something regarding a third person's behavior. As in, Igor will promise Sam that Detlef will do such-and-such, even though Igor has not previously checked with Detlef about said action. So when ignorant Detlef doesn't do what Igor promised, Sam is disappointed in Detlef and angry with Igor; Igor is on the defensive; and poor Detlef doesn't have a clue what's going on.
Just FYI, I'm not upset about any particular situation; I'm just making some general observations based on some good conversations I had with various people today.
Anyway, the point is:
(A) We each must take responsibility for our own behavior.
(B) We each must allow others to take responsibility for their behavior.
(C) We are disrespecting ourselves and others when we don't follow (A) and (B).
Especially if you have ever been Detlef or Sam, I think you will agree with the validity of these points. You might have a problem with them if you tend more toward being an Igor. ;o)
Not trying to ruffle feathers, just notating some thoughts. ;o)
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3 comments:
I know exactly what you mean! I'd like to say more, but I'm going to leave it at that.
I want to thank you again for introducing the idea of boundaries to me at the Filzmoos retreat, I can't even remember how many times it's helped me see clearly through an otherwise confusing situation. understanding the princliple of boundaries helps everything make sense! (not to mention helping make everything able to be clearly communicated!)
Alisha: Well, i and my blog are all ears, if you ever decide you want to elaborate! :o)
Allison: You're very welcome! I owe my own introduction to the concept to Jim and Elsa S. Did I tell you about the book "Boundaries" by Cloud and Townsend? I really need to read it myself....but I'll admit, I find it a daunting prospect. However, I am determined to read it sometime, and I will keep you updated when I do.
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