a day in the life of a cat

Excerpt from Pippin’s Journal

3:30 a.m.
Displayed great excitement by leaping from top of wardrobe and landing on the floor with a giant thud when The Girl got up to use the humans’ litterbowl. I was sure it was time for breakfast, so attacked scratching post to show my appreciation. Received pat on head but no food. The Girl went back to bed.

5:00 a.m.
Resorted to good ol’ Plan B by scratching at the linen curtains hanging next to bed. Was sure this would garner well-deserved attention and breakfast. After all, they should be grateful for having a living alarm clock. Once again, I got no thanks other than a sleepily mumbled “Quit it, Pippin” from The Girl. My Boyfriend didn’t even move. Am still in high hopes that they’ll one day learn to thank me for my early morning efforts.

5:30 a.m.
After a short rest, set often-used Plan C into motion. Wedged myself between head of mattress and wall, then set to scratching mattress just below My Boyfriend’s pillow. This garnered immediate results. My Boyfriend got out of bed, went to the bedroom door, and threw a stuffed toy into the hall. As soon as it left his fingers, it magically transformed into a mouse (I must figure out how humans accomplish this!), so I chased it. Returned to bedroom door for more, but somehow the door had closed. My Boyfriend apparently was at a loss as to how to operate the door andle from inside the bedroom, as door did not immediately re-open. And here I thought their opposable thumbs helped them figure out such things.

7:00 a.m.
Hallelujah! Breakfast! Something of fish, but, as usual, not nearly as scrumptious as what My Boyfriend and The Girl get to eat. Tried to squeeze past his feet into living room, as there are still flowers on the living room table. Almost as scrumptious as human food. Got bumped on the head for my efforts. My Boyfriend rubbed the offended spot. Didn’t make up for loss of floral dining.

7:10 a.m. – 9:45 a.m.
Slept until The Girl got up. Could tell she didn’t feel well, so greeted her with vocalization. The Girl scratched my back, but I could tell her heart wasn’t really in it. She stumbled into bathroom, making her own vocalizations, but I have yet to believe that these are really intentional communications.

9:50 a.m. – 13:50 p.m.
Resumed my post at Office Window and observed enemy movements. Crows in trees across the street look more suspicious every day. I suspect they’re plotting a takeover. Soon, they realized I was watching, so flew away to parts as yet unknown. (Which reminds me, I must examine front door for awhile this afternoon, so as to determine method of opening it. Am sure I could observe crows better from an outside vantage point.) Morning activities concluded, I curled up on the humans’ bed and slept.

13:55 p.m.
The Girl put on her outer fur and left the apartment. I missed her exit, and so my chance for front door observation. Sat in front of wardrobe door and stared at it, reading top-secret communications written there. No news on door-opening methods. Went back to sleep.

16:00 p.m.
Greeted The Girl upon her return, received adequate head-stroking and back-scratching. Humans learn slowly, but once they catch on they can be a true joy. Leaped upon trunk at foot of bed when The Girl sat down at her desk. Realized there was a horde of mice conveniently trapped between trunk and bed. Proceeded to begin digging them out. The Girl displayed lack of training by ordering me to “stop digging.” Period of sleeping followed.

17:36 p.m.
My Boyfriend magically transformed himself into a Giant Something. Played the Stalking Game with him for a few minutes till he transformed back into his regular self and I got bored. Ran at top speed through entire house. Have shaved several seconds off my time, but hope to get it down to 15 seconds or less before spring arrives.

18:17 p.m.
Realized there was a horde of mice conveniently trapped between trunk and bed. Proceeded to begin digging them out. The Girl displayed lack of training by ordering me to “stop digging.” Period of sleeping followed.

20:24 p.m.
Emptied food bowl. Remembered mice between trunk and bed. Went into bedroom and proceeded to begin digging them out. The Girl displayed lack of training by ordering me to “stop digging.” Period of sleeping followed.

21:12 p.m.
Went for mice again, but got dirty look from The Girl. Gave up on mice for now. Plan to sleep a few hours, then begin training humans once more. *sigh* Sometimes, I really begin to think my work with them will never be done.