today was tough

And I don't know why. Perhaps because I dreamed poorly last night and never really got over it. Perhaps because my inner editor is starting to rear its ugly, word-chomping head, complaining that I've been keeping it unfairly caged for this crazy NaNo nattering I've been doing. I don't know. At any rate, I didn't quite get my preferred word count out today--about 1500 words instead of the 2000 I'd rather do.

Maybe I just had too much time on my hands, and that sadistic little editor inside of me started whispering, Take your time. Re-read. Re-arrange a couple of sentences. C'mon, what harm could it do? You've got all the time you need today. Take it easy. Take it slow.

Result: wimpy word count, frustrated Courtney, and a bunch of characters who seemed not to want to be anything I thought they should be. I wanted my healer cleric to be so arrogant in her self-righteousness that she looks really bad to anyone observing her. But nooooo, instead, she had to be arrogant, self-righteous, and reasonable. This makes me wonder if maybe she's a little bit off her little healer cleric rocker. Which I didn't see coming at all.

I guess I just couldn't see today. In one of his books, Stephen King calls it "seeing through the paper." Looking past the paper, past the sentences and words and letters, watching as a hole opens up in that paper and shows you that other world you're trying to get to. And then, when the hole opens up and you can see, you can actually be there and then come back and describe it to your readers. Just a matter of telling them what you see through the hole in the paper.

I couldn't see through it today. The words got in my way, and the inner editor got in my line of sight.

*sigh* Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Word Count: 10185

(Actually posted 12:33 a.m. on November 6th, but I wanted this one to count for Saturday.)