Monday, March 13, 2006

to smile or not to smile?

Earlier, I was reading an email in which the writer was praising a certain Christian who died. To make a long story short, the writer described how this particular Christian always showed a positive attitude, always responded to requests with "I'd be happy to do that!", and never complained about anything. It was a glowing report on a Christian life led in service to God and in service to others.

Before I go on, let me say that I find such Christians to be admirable examples. They don't seem to let adversity touch them; no matter how hard or how bad it gets, they meet every challenge with a smile and with the meekness manifested in quiet strength. These are people I look up to; these are people whose attitudes encourage me to try to be more like Christ. In what I'm about to say, I'm not attempting to criticize such Christians in the least.

But these glowing, post-death reviews--and I speak of them in plural, because we've all read them in plenty of email forwards and obituaries--these reviews never focus on Christians who struggled visibly to retain a godly attitude. And that raises all sorts of questions in my mind.

What about the Christians who don't smile all the time? What about the brother who answers us with an honest "Like dirt!" when we ask him how he feels? What about the sister who admits openly that she can't take the pressure anymore?

What about these Christians who show their anger, their frustration, their confusion, their depression, their sorrow, their rebelliousness...What of these Christians who show us all the time that their backs are breaking...but they keep going anyway?

Oh no, I'm not trying to say that these Christians are people who give up. No, they definitely keep plodding away, and sometimes they grumble about it...But they keep going. Somebody makes a request of them, and maybe they don't have a Christlike attitude, maybe they gripe about it...but they do it. They see the snow piling up outside, and maybe they complain that they're ready for summer...but they still make it to every worship service. They've had a rough week, and maybe the last thing they want to do is be around people...but they still say thank you when someone encourages them.

Nobody ever talks about the Christians who keep going even though it's very obviously hard on them. We talk about the ones who have a bright, happy smile and a kind word for everybody...but we rarely mention the ones who *need* the happy smiles and the kind words but keep on keeping on even if they don't get what they need.

I've never read a post-death account of a Christian's life in which someone wrote, "He sure was grouchy all the time, but he always stood up for his faith if anyone had a bad word to say about Jesus." "You know, for a Christian, she never looked very happy, but she stuck with God even when her family turned against her."

I don't know just why I wanted to say all of this...I guess I just wanted to talk about those not-so-chipper kinds of Christians, because I think we all feel not-so-chipper some of the time.

3 comments:

amy nickerson said...

I think we all need to be true to ourselves and not put on a façade that we're happy when we feel completely down in the dumps. God wants us to be real; to be honest with our own feelings. David understood this and laid out every true feeling he had before God in the pslams he wrote. It was no charade or dance around the truth. It was praise to God when his feelings were overwhelming with praise. It was pure, honest frustration at times when he felt God had distanced himself. And David was considered a man after God's own heart. Let's all do ourselves a favor and just be honest: to God, to others, and to ourselves.

Thanks for your thoughts, Courtney!

Anonymous said...

Hmmm, cat pics: 10 comments, I think that sometimes we just don't like to think. But this is something to think about. Certainly smiling is a wonderful thing and so often we encourage others with our smiles when we don't even know it. But what about those times we just can bring the smile out? I agree, be honest, don't be a fake. But also remember that in encouraging others, we are so often encouraged ourselves. I guess I just want to say be honest, but don't sulk. There's not enough time in this life to spend it in a bad mood. :o)

thegermanygirl said...

Amy: I once heard someone say that "Psalm 88 is an embarrassment to conventional faith"--meaning that conventional faith likes to put on a happy face all the time, whereas Psalm 88 is an expression of emotion by a true, firm believer who, in spite of his strong faith, still has moments of despair.
We are human. Though we are Christians, we are human, with all the faults and flaws appertaining thereto. God understands that. Praise be to him, that he understands that!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, too, Amy. It means a lot to know that my words aren't just shots in the dark. ;o)

Jennifer: I with you on that one! Sometimes, when I'm down, what helps me the most is going ahead and smiling at others even if I don't feel like it. It's like I'm talking myself out of being in a bad mood, and suddenly I realize that things aren't as grim as I thought they were.
Sometimes, it truly is just a matter of changing how we talk to ourselves....because how we talk to ourselves determines what we believe about ourselves...and about the people around us.

In general, though, I think we have to distinguish between the changeable bad mood and the gripping despair that requires time, patience, and the love of God before we can get through it.