the precious commodity of information

Here's something really cool I found today, something that will be of immense value to my Faithful Readers who are German....and, probably, to some of my Faithful Readers who are native English speakers, too. ;o) I'm finding uses for it myself.

It is........(drumroll, please).........an English verb conjugation engine!!! You type in the infinitive form of a verb (i.e. eat, sleep, go, forbear [which is the one I typed in]), click "GO," and it gives you the conjugations of that verb in various tenses (i.e. simple present, simple past, future perfect, etc.; though it doesn't provide progressive tenses, which I find a bit negligent). An excellent tool for anyone wanting to be sure of correct verb conjugation. Enjoy! (I did.) ;o)

A further thought on information as a valuable commodity..... The exchange of information is so very, very important. For instance, Ed has been studying the Bible with one of our new contacts from this summer's Let's Start Talking campaign. She has been studying with someone from the church since the beginning of May. Today, through conversation (READ: information exchange!), Ed found out that she has been thinking that everyone in the Chemnitz church lives together. Meaning, she thought we were a commune!!! That made me laugh--not because I'm making fun of her, but because it's such a funny concept, all of us living together. We love each other, but I don't think we'd survive! ;o)

Anyway....I thought it was good that Ed could give her the correct information to correct her mistaken impressions. :o)

the meaning of me

This was one of those bloggable quiz things, where you enter your name and the quiz tells you something about yourself. I couldn't get the html code to work here, so here's the bare-bones text for your reading pleasure:

COURTNEY ANNE

C is for Calm
O is for Overwhelming
U is for Useful
R is for Radiant
T is for Twisted
N is for Nice
E is for Elitist
Y is for Yummy

A is for Arty
N is for Neat
N is for Nice
E is for Enchanting

Yay for being radiant, yummy, and enchanting, but I'm not sure I like being elitist. Oh well. ;o)

i have a space

Just as an FYI, I now have my own space at myspace.com. No, I don't plan to get heavily involved there; this right here is my blog and my *real* space, and I'm stickin' with it. I just got a myspace account so I could see the pictures James posted on his. But I'm coming to realize that pretty much everybody I've ever known is on myspace (okay, maybe not everybody, but quite a few people and their dogs) (okay, so maybe not their dogs...but still a lot of people anyway), and nobody till James ever bothered to tell me about it, so in case there's a friend of mine out there who might get a myspace account someday and wonder why I never said anything, I'm saying something now.

There. I said it. ;o)

But let me re-emphasize that what you're reading here is the blog to which I've pledged undying loyalty. Just so we're clear on that.

;o)

today is the day of current Cantrell pics

Today, Ed and I spent an embarrassing amount of time trying to take a good picture of ourselves, something we can use on our letterhead. (Fundraising and such, you see.) Here are the best ones of the whole caboodle--these first three are the sample of our getting sidetracked and just goofing off a little. ;o)

"Crooked Glasses--Part I"

"Crooked Glasses--The Sequel"

first letterhead possibility

I think we voted against this one because we both thought my head is at a funny angle.

In the picture, not in real life.

;o)

another option

I'm not sure why we didn't pick this one. Maybe because he's in 3/4 profile, and I'm facing the camera? No clue.  I'm no photographer.  Quit looking at me like that!  This isn't an exact science with me, okay?  Aaaauuuuuuuuggghhhhh, the pressure!  ;o)

final choice

And this is the one we finally decided on. Ta-dah! ;o)

inquiring minds want to know...

Ed McMahon is 83 years old.

Just FYI.


Gillian: Are you sure you won't change your mind?
Spock: Is there something wrong with the one I have?

--from "Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home"

grüße: german greetings

I just wanted to say that I miss all of my family stateside! Wish I could see them more often. I love y'all tons and bunches!

(See, I haven't lost the Okie touch yet.) ;oD

as promised, more pictures

Another picture from Karen's birthday! Larry gave us a lovely rendition of "Crocodile Rock," with Karen and Ed providing musically superb backup on the "laaaaaaa-la-la-la-la-laaaaaaa"s. ;oD

Pippin and me working at the computer. The poor kitty's having a rough day (today, not in the picture). A bee stung her in the pad of her front left foot, so now she's limping around the apartment. Not only that, but she had to suffer the indignity of having Ed and me hold her down and pull out the stinger. Talk about adding insult to injury! She's been giving us very reproachful looks ever since.

Ed hard at work in the kitchen. I'm glad that I've been learning to cook a bit over the last few years....but I'm equally pleased that I have a sweet husband who doesn't mind spending time in the kitchen. ;o)

Daddy and me in Dresden a few weeks ago. I'm glad I got to see my parents before they left on the stateside leg of their summer travels! I miss them--don't get to see them often enough.
P.S. I think this picture illustrates very well where I got most of my nose! ;oD
 

latest art update and some sobering thoughts

G'day, mates. I have new art on my Elfwood page. This includes one new painting (which could use some comments!) and eight other works that I am bringing back to my gallery.

These eight older pieces have been a sore spot in my mind for quite awhile. Without giving too many specifics of who was involved, here's the backstory:

Almost two years ago, one of the Christians in Chemnitz left the church. Her true motivations are another story entirely....but for a few weeks, she named me and my art as the reason for her departure.

This individual believed that my interest in fantasy (i.e. elves, dragons, magic, Lord of the Rings, etc.) was wrong; more to the point, she believed that my fantasy interest was evil. When she finally expressed her opinions to me, it turned out that she had held these opinions about me for several years without telling me. In the last conversation I had with her (during which four other Christians were present), she told me that she believed my fantasy artwork came from demons and that she feared for my soul.

Shocked to the core, I asked her which pieces specifically were offensive to her, because I couldn't imagine what it was I'd painted that might be construed as having demonic influence. She couldn't name any specific pictures that bothered her. (This eventually led to the revelation that my fantasy art was just an "easy target"; her real reasons for leaving the church were related to something else entirely.) I was speechless; my mind just couldn't wrap itself around the concept that someone could consider me to be under the control of demons. (I still can't fathom it, even today.)

In an effort to show good faith, flexibility, willingness to change, and decidedly non-demonic thinking, I went home and immediately removed from our walls any artwork that might remotely be considered offensive to anyone. I sifted through my Elfwood gallery and removed pictures from there, too. This was not an easy task; since she hadn't given me any specifics, I didn't know what I was looking for. I was shocked, hurt, and very angry, but I tried to keep the concepts of Romans 14 and 1. Corinthians 8 in the forefront of my thoughts.

(To be honest, I was almost overwhelmingly furious, so controlling my thoughts in the spirit of those scriptures was monumentally difficult.)

Since then, the sister in question has resisted all efforts of the church to reach out to her; I haven't even had opportunity to speak to her since that final, awful conversation. Considering the passage of time and her seeming attitude toward us....I no longer feel obligated to limit myself or my art or my online gallery based on her opinions. Though there is surely more I could have done, at this point I believe that I did everything I could to heal the breach between her and me. In vain. Now, if she stumbles, I no longer feel any sense of responsibility for it.

There comes a point, I believe, at which a Christian's efforts to keep a brother from stumbling approach the point of ridiculous. There comes a point, I believe, at which that "weaker" brother--and how do I phrase this well?--needs to acquiesce to the workings of the Holy Spirit and submit to the process of growth which God requires of all of us. Please understand, I am not judging or condemning this erstwhile sister who rejected me....but I am saying that she no longer has the right to request that I limit myself, while she herself obeys no limits.

Why am I telling the world of all this? I don't know...perhaps it's therapy, just part of my own need to cleanse my soul. Perhaps it's merely to share with you the thought that no matter how much we as Christians strive to do the right thing--and even when we succeed in doing that right thing--there are still some things that will remain broken. No matter how hard we try, no matter that our hearts are in the right place and we succeed in doing God's will, there are still some relationships that can't be healed.

How very difficult it is to accept that.....and yet, I'm still thankful to God that he is with us in these unhealable relationships. He remains master over it all, offering us shelter in the midst of our pain.

Even if we always do right, we can't banish sin and pain and loss. But he can. And he does. That's where the cleansing of my soul really takes place. And I belong to him eternally because of it.

how do we talk?

I think part of this little blurb was a comment I left on someone else's blog, and I saved it at some point, intending to post it here. I guess this is as good a time as any. So here's another serious thought for no one to comment on. *grin* Just teasin'. ;o)

The thought:

My Grandpa always told my Dad, and my Dad passed it on to me, that in every bit of sarcasm and in every joke, there is a grain of truth. Meaning that if I'm making a tacky comment about someone, I can't just blow it off as a joke....because deep inside, part of me means exactly what I said.

This makes me think about how we (meaning we as Christians) generally don't pay enough attention to the words we speak. Too often, we acclimate too well to our surroundings, especially adjusting our speech patterns to those of our friends, neighbors, whoevers. We make jokes at others' expense; we allow ourselves to criticize and belittle others, and get away with it by calling it "just teasing"; we start using crude or vulgar language; we soften up truths to make them more palatable (even to ourselves). We start to blend in with all of the influences around us--sometimes the good ones, but mostly the bad ones. And we justify it to ourselves by telling ourselves, "Hey, I still believe in God. I'm still a good person. God isn't going to judge me just for being human." And we go ahead and sprinkle some more sin onto what we're imparting to others.

Too often, we're worldly sugar instead of Christ-like salt.

late night thoughts when i should be sleeping

do you want this as much as i do?

stability veracity the sense that i can
turn to a someone and know what to expect

ability complexity the depth of thought to
perceive existence with the seriousness it deserves

audacity intensity the guts and gumption to
fight adulteration at every step at every moment
in decay's every harmless-seeming guise

(i pray to god in heaven
because i fear for you)

nobility simplicity the courage to
make yourself vulnerable to the only one who matters
(please be vulnerable)

identity (divinity?) infinity
truth
are you really hungry for it?

tell me do you want this?
darling, you have left me doubting.

i fear that we shall weep together once again.

© 2006 by Courtney Weger Cantrell. All rights reserved.

pictures and comments

Okay, as promised, here are a bunch of pictures. Very much in random order, so don't cry to me Argentina if you get confused. ;o) It has occurred to me that I ought to post pictures more often, so I'm going to endeavor to turn that thought-occurrence into reality. If I don't do it frequently enough, somebody remind me, please! ;o)

Also, thanks to all who've commented recently. It's really encouraging to find out that people are still reading my blog; I'd been thinking I was the only who checked it anymore. To all the lurkers: Stop lurking! At least tell me that you've been here! If I had all the windows of my house open and invited you to look in, you wouldn't just look in without saying hello, would you? And if the answer to that question is "yes"...well, then, there's just something wrong with you. ;o) Tell me hi already! ;o)

But the point of this wasn't to rant about people whose tongues are imprisoned by felines. The point was to say THANK YOU!!! to everyone who has been commenting. You guys have really been "making my days" lately...and I'm really in need of those pick-me-ups. So keep those comments coming, and I will answer them and try to give you something fun to read and look at, too. :o)

picture of randomness

Several oddities here:

One, “Satisfaction of this product is guaranteed.” Why should the product be satisfied? I thought that I, as the consumer (of the coffee; this was on a package of coffee), am the one who should be satisfied? And besides, even if the product (i.e. the coffee) were the one who should be satisfied, how would the product even know if it were satisfied or not, seeing as how it lacks the consciousness which would be required for a determination of satisfaction or lack thereof?

Second, “Return to Harry and David if not satisfied.” There are SO many things wrong about this request. I don’t even know Harry and David. I’ve never been to Harry and David’s, so how could I even return to them even if I were dissatisfied with the coffee? (Which I wasn't, by the way; the coffee was caramel-flavored and delicious.)

Not to mention that there’s another way entirely in which that statement could be interpreted. But this is a public blog, so I won’t go there. ;o) I’ll just say it again: There are SO many things wrong about this request.

*grin*

The English language continues to be mangled on labels and public advertising everywhere.

*sigh*

picture of exhaustion

I don't think this one needs explaining, do you? ;o)

pictures of snails

Sometime in June, the Chemnitz church took this summer's OC Campaign Group on an outing to Kriebstein to view one of Saxony's many castles (pictures available on request). We walked through forest to get there, and on the way back to the cars, Vanessa and I picked up the following friends:

These are helix pomatia, aka Burgundy snails. They're extremely common here in Germany, and I had one as a pet when I was a kid (along with a plethora of smaller type snails). So Van and I decided we needed to reintroduce these snails as pets in my household. One belongs to Van and one belongs to me, but I'm official custodian of both.

Almost as soon as I got them situated in their new home, the snails mated. I took pictures of that, too, but didn't want to put anything X-rated on my blog. (But if there's demand for these raunchy pictures, I will supply, of course!)  ;o) A week or so later, one of them (snails are hermaphrodites, so I can't exactly say "the female...") dug a hole in the dirt and laid eggs; a few weeks after that, the eggs hatched and we had tiny baby snails; and now, finally, after about 5 weeks since the egg-laying, the baby snails are digging their way out of the dirt. Here are a few that have already emerged:

For a size comparison: The babies are creeping across a slice of cucumber; they are about 20 times as small as the adults! Look closely, and you can see the veins and tiny organs through their still-transparent shells.

I know I'm gonna be called "weird" for this... Ah well, so be it. ;o) I think they're adorable (especially the babies!), and they are fascinating to watch. For those of you with kids: I can attest to the fact that these snails make great pets for teaching kids about some of the smaller wonders that God has designed into this amazingly complex planet we live on. There are even mathematical formulas that govern the helical shape of snail shells. Yet another tiny bit of evidence speaking for the design in everything natural.  

picture of our singing group

 
From left: Courtney, April, Karen, Amanda, Alex, Steffen, Larry, Ed (director).

Last year, eight of us formed a singing group to be available to sing at weddings, funerals, gospel meetings, and parties.  So far, we've done a wedding, a funeral, two gospel meetings (multiple nights each), and two parties.  We sing spirituals (English) and traditional and non-traditional hymns (English and German).

Being part of this group has been a lot of fun for me, even though we've sung together mostly in the summers, and hardly at all during the rest of the year. Considering that only three people in the group (April, Ed, and Larry) have had formal training in music, our group sounds really good.  (If I dare say so mayself.)  ;o)  Even professional musicians have commented that we've achieved a very nice blend. Too bad we don't get to practice together more! :o(

pictures of Poland trip (and the ever-elusive Robteer!)

A few weeks ago (while Jerry and Cindy were here), we ex-pats of the Chemnitz American Corner (aka Christian Ghetto) took a one-day, one-night trip to Poland. Compared to Germany prices, Poland is pretty affordable, so we were able to stay overnight at a castle-turned-hotel. Here we are in the dining room:

The next day, we went Polish pottery shopping (I'll have to post some pics of my purchases--somebody remind me to do that, okay?) and lunched at a lovely establishment that Larry, Clint and April had discovered on a previous trip. It was a linguistically educating dining experience, as evinced in the picture of the menu below:

Much to our dismay, Robteer Floats apparently weren't in season the day we were there. For those of you who might be puzzled at the possible nature of a Robteer, please be advised that a Robteer, apparently, is nothing more alarming that a good ol' American rootbeer.  Go figure.
We didn't attempt the Frail-Mix.

I hope this one gives everybody a good laugh!  ;oD

pictures of Pippin...

...because she's adorable...

...because she apparently enjoys dancing...

...and because, as I've said before, she doesn't seem to possess a spine.

;oD

picture of Augustusburg outing

When my parents were here a few weeks ago, we took Jan on an outing to Augustusburg, about half an hour from Chemnitz. We had a picnic at a playground, then played on the "Sommerrodelbahn." Summer-sledding-track??? Don't quite know how to translate that.....but it sure was fun!!! ;o)

pictures from the Sächsische Schweiz

I'll be posting pictures for the next few days, depending on how much time I have. Might do the rest tomorrow, who knows? Here's the first batch, though:

Last month, our friends Jerry and Cindy came for a 2-week visit, and we had a blast! One day, we went to the "Sächsische Schweiz" ("Saxon Switzerland") and hiked around on a mountain. Here are a few pics from that day. I recommend clicking them to see the larger versions!

A view of the bridge we crossed in order to get to the main hiking trails.

Ed, Cindy, and I after hiking down the mountain and back up. Ed wanted us to act like we were out of breath (which we were!), but Cindy and I opted for gracious smiles, instead. Sorry, Ed! ;o)

A view of the Elbe River and the valley from the top of the mountain (close to where the bridge is).

I could post sooooooooo many gorgeous pictures of that day, it would take me hours to upload them all! This area of Saxony is one of the most beautiful and naturally mysterious places I've ever been. If you ever come visit Ed and me here, tell us to take you to Saxon Switzerland! :o) 

a self-quiz

(I wrote this on August 5th but hadn't posted it yet because I couldn't get the picture to upload.  *sigh*  Sometimes, computers are a true bane of my existence.)

In honor of all the quizzes that are popular in this, the Information Age, I bring you this quiz that I just made up on my own, because I wanted to.

NAME THREE THINGS YOU'RE IRRITATED ABOUT RIGHT NOW:

1. Mel Gibson. This whole DUI/Antisemite thing of his: What is the man thinking? First of all, he is WAY old enough to know better. About the DUI *and* about the Antisemitism. There's just no excuse for such childishness. Second and frankly, he's making God and Christianity look bad. And lest anyone accuse me of being judgmental: Yes, I sin. Yes, I make stupid mistakes. I'm no paragon of virtue, I'll readily admit. BUT, by touting his film "The Passion" as a tool for teaching others about Jesus, Gibson has set himself up as a teacher of God's truth. It seems to me that he has forgotten what James 3:1 has to say about that.
Mr. Gibson, shame on you.

2. splash! Long story short: splash! is the biggest hip-hop festival in Europe or something like that, and it's held in Chemnitz every summer. I don't care for the hip-hop genre in the least...however, if people want to listen to it, that's their business. BUT! This 4-day, so-called "music" festival takes place at a lake about two miles from my apartment building. Which means: Our street and local grocery store are daily filled with individuals of a rather unsavory persuasion who not only act as though they own everything, but also leave their trash *everywhere*. Our street is starting to look like a dump. Plus, after the festivel is over, it takes the city over a week to clean up the lake and its surroundings, because the partyers leave their trash (garbage, lawn chairs, tents, everything) all over the whole area.
Also, there's the noise level: I'm currently sitting in my bedroom with the windows closed, and I can hear the thumpa-thumpa-boom as though it's right in the room with me. Did I mention it's two miles away?
Gah. :-P

3. PMS.  And I don't think anyone wants any more details than that! I'm certainly not gonna provide any.

NAME THREE THINGS YOU'RE PLEASED ABOUT RIGHT NOW:

1. Karen's birthday! Today was Frau's birthday, and a great time was had by all! Today's theme words were coffee, cake, and karaoke...a stupendous combination, I daresay! ;o)

Thanks for letting us spend the day with you, Karen! Happy Birthday!

2. Poetry.  I have written 15 poems this year already, which is twice the number that I wrote last year. Yeah, yeah, I know, I need to be working on my novel, not writing poetry. Well, I can't help it. The words are there, they've gotta come out! ;o) Since I've been so prolific lately, and since I think my poetry is maturing somewhat, I'm thinking seriously about looking into publishing. I have no idea how to go about it; the only publishing I've researched has been in regard to novels. Poetry is a whole new area for me. So I might be re-visiting this topic sometime soon, after I have more info.

3. Michelle. Last but not least, Michelle is a free online game I found out about from the game's programmer, who also plays chess at Chessworld (see link at right somewhere). It's a strategy game, the object of which is to eliminate all the yellow dots from the playing grid. It took me a couple of rounds on the "Easy Peasy" level to get the hang of it, but now I'm up to "Pretty Tricky." This is the kind of game that *is* pretty tricky for me, because my brain doesn't automatically work that way! So it's a good challenge.
I highly recommend this game--it's a lot of fun!--but be forewarned: Michelle is addictive!

Well, I guess that's all for now. That's "all"--it's good and plenty, as far as I'm concerned! ;o)

updated wish list again (see link at right); will try to answer comments soon!

literary frustrations

I just finished reading Barbara Kingsolver's Prodigal Summer, which Pam gave me for my birthday this year. (Which disproves the theory that fantasy and sci-fi are all I ever read. Take that, you doubters!) I'm not gonna give a book review or anything, other than to say this is a great novel, I highly enjoyed it, it made me laugh, it made me cry, it was interesting, and I recommend it.

What I really wanted to say is that I'm frustrated that Kingsolver ends the story where she ends it, because I wanna know more! I won't give anything away, but...I want to know what happens with Deanna, I want to know if Lusa gets remarried, and I want to read more of the Garnett-Nannie banter. I'd even like to see how Little Rickie is in his 20s. And whether or not Crystal ever gets over her issues. (Although I'm by no means advocating that she be forced to wear a dress.)

There. That's all. I just have all these questions, and unless Kingsolver writes a sequel (which I DO advocate her doing!), I'm not going to get any answers.

Frustrating. *sigh*

toilet habits

Okay, so here’s something my stateside readers might not be aware of: In Germany (and in many other European countries) it’s customary (and expected) for one to pay 30-50 Eurocents when using a public toilet. Why? I don’t know. I guess the cleaning people don’t get paid enough.

Anyway, today I paid 50 Eurocents to use the toilet at the Dresden Hauptbahnhof ( => "main train station"; approximate pronunciation: HOWPT-baahhhn-hoaf; not “hop-bon-hoff,” please). Now sometimes, there will be an unmanned “donation plate” situated outside the public restroom so that customers can give their 30 or 50 Eurocents; honor system, you see. But the restrooms at the Dresden HOWPT-baahhhn-hoaf are barred by this walk-through thingy that won’t let you in until you’ve deposited your 50 Eurocents. That’s fine with me. I’ve been paying to pee over here my whole life; I’m used to it; no big deal.

However, here’s the kicker: When I pay to use the toilet, I kind of expect it to be clean. I don’t think that’s an unrealistic expectation; it’s one of those unwritten-rule-contract things. What I do *not* expect is to have to wipe urine off the toilet seat before I do my business. Personally, I think that’s kind of ridiculous.

Actually, though, the point of my complaint is not to gripe about the uncleanliness of the toilets. That was just a lead-in to the main thing that perplexes me, namely:

How in the world does urine end up on the toilet seat in a women’s restroom?

I mean, really, girls. Does it make sense? We don’t stand up to pee; we sit. Or at least squat. With a hole as big as a toilet bowl, there’s no need for aiming when you’re in that position, so no one can claim to have aimed and missed. There’s nowhere else for it to go except down. So how do some of you manage to make it go up and all over the toilet seat? And not only on the sides, but also on the back?

This is a mystery to me. I can think of only two possible explanations:

(a) You don’t want to sit on the toilet seat because you’ve observed, as have I, that some women manage to miss the approximately 2-foot-square opening of the toilet bowl and have done their business all over the seat; hence, you solve your problem by refusing to touch flesh to the seat; and you squat over it instead. And somehow manage to miss the aforementioned 2-foot-square opening, thereby making your own addition to the general mess.

BUT! SOLUTION: Quit trying to squat. Wipe off the seat, line it with multiple layers of toilet paper, and get on about your business. For crying out loud.

(b) (We’re still on possible explanations, in case you’ve forgotten.) Some of you are rebels with a bizarre sense of humor and the antisocial desire to create more unnecessary work for other people. So you do actually stand up to pee: on the toilet lid, aiming in the general direction of that ever-popular 2-foot-square opening, missing said opening in grand fashion, and making your own addition to the general mess.

BUT! SOLUTION: Stop doing that. Get therapy.

Final thoughts:

If, by some defiant paradox of natural laws, you have ACCIDENTALLY achieved the backward and upward flow of urine instead of the outward and down, can you not look at the toilet as you’re reassembling your clothing ensemble, see that you’ve made a mess, and clean up after yourself???

Come on, ladies.

Sheesh.

why do i even bother?

This is gonna be a complainer of a post. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Why do I keep trying to share my faith with others? Why do I spend oodles of time and effort listening to people, talking to people, introducing people to Jesus....and all they want to think about is this New-Agey-existential-feel-good-i'm-okay-you're-okay CRAP???

I'm particularly irritated with a certain Eastern religion right now. I won’t name it, as I’m totally disinterested in getting into a debate over it. But I have to wonder: Why in the world is this religion so attractive? The founder of this religion never offered to sacrifice his life for his followers; he never offered to give them something that any other human might not give them. So why is anybody interested in following him?

If I named the religion I’m thinking of and said everything I’m thinking about it, I’d draw a firestorm of criticism and debate. Yep, narrow-minded and despicably conservative, that’s me.

But if I got on here and deplored Christianity, people would cheer. I am so tired of it being politically correct to embrace all religions and schools of thought except the Christian one. It’s politically correct and popular to bash Christianity, and it makes me sick.

So why do I bother to continue teaching? The moment I open my mouth in favor of Jesus, people flick a switch to “OFF” in their brains. Or maybe it’s a switch labeled “Naïve, dogmatic, arrogant Christian—stop listening NOW”. Why do I keep at this thankless task?

I guess I just can’t help myself. God might call me a good and faithful servant; I’m sure a worldly therapist would say I'm delusional and compulsion-driven. Sometimes, I do wonder which of them would be right.

Gah. I'd really like to be less frustrated right now.

But I keep at it because I believe him. I keep at it because I love him.

I keep at it because he loves me back.